Every year, Corporate America seems to push the beginning of the holiday season back further and further. It seemed like this year the jewelry commercials started around Halloween. It devolved from there. Apparently most advertising executives want you to hate the products their clients are selling. The Victoria's Secret commercial is phenomenal. Pretty much every other holiday commercial is terrible. The main culprit are the jewelry stores, hawking their blood diamonds without any concern for human decency or watchability. If there is a God, Satan is producing jewelry commercials.
I hate many holiday commercials, but these are the ten worst I could think of off the top of my head. I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting or trying to block from my memory.
10. The Best Buy commercials where the moms buy so many good presents at Best Buy that they outdo Santa. Just like a woman to ruin the one goddamn thing this guy likes to do.
9. The Madden '12 commercial where the kid is leaving hints in everything that he wants Madden '12 for Christmas. I respect his dedication, but where does a kid that much block ice and a chainsaw? For what he spent on that, he could have bought several copies of Madden '12.
8. The Jared commercial at the football game where the players are watching a proposal on the big screen. "The ideal ideal cut diamond." Shut your fat fucking mouth.
7. The Kay commercial with Dr. Quinn's "Open Heart" collection. "Open your heart and love will always find a way in." Isn't that what Ted Bundy used to say to pick up women?
6. The Jared commercial where one woman sitting in the airport is telling the woman sitting next to her about her charm bracelet. I don't buy it. No one would ever compliment a stranger's charm bracelet. Ever. Unless it's part of a ruse to gain the person's confidence with the end goal of murdering him or her. And no one would ever call a charm "the red hot love bead." Ever. Unless it's an anal bead.
5. The Zales commercial touting the Leo Schacter diamond. I hate commercials that drop names that no one knows, as if everyone should know them. Does anyone besides Leo Schacter know who Leo Schacter is or care that he has in any way been involved with your jewelry? Whenever I go to a jewelry store (which is never, by the way), I will ask which jewels (and I will use that term) were designed by Leo Schacter.
4. The Tommy Hilfiger commercial where all the beautiful people are having a holiday party. At the holiday parties I've attended, everyone wears shirts.
3. The Kay Jewelers commercial where Santa tells the husband his wife will like his jewelry choice. Then on Christmas morning, the wife totally likes the necklace. Then the husband said, "Santa said you would." And the wife gives him a look like "say what?" And then the husband's all, "No really." Every kiss begins with a commercial that is embarrassing to watch.
2. The Jared commercial touting the LeVian Chocolate Diamond. Just what every woman wants: a brown gem.
1. Every Lexus commercial. Jesus, when is this going to run its course? No one has ever put a giant red bow on a car. No one has ever bought a small music box to play that damn classical song that Lexus has ruined. My favorite one is the one with the hipster couple because, you know, you can afford a Lexus on Potbelly bike delivery salary. They go downstairs from their trendy loft to see the live-in boyfriend's present parked on the street. He acts excited, when he is actually thinking "Thanks for buying me the ugliest Lexus ever made."
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3 comments:
Always thought those Lexus commercials were targeted at the year-end bonus crowd.
Dude!!! All I wanna ask you, you have been left out for every good thing in the world. Whatever they are saying and whatever they are doing in the commercials are somewhat imazinative and somewhat thought provoking. Now I really doubt if you ever passed high school, cos if you did, how is it possible that you don't know the meaning of branding. Main idea about the commercials are to introduce the new brand to the consumers. Last thing in list, when you walk into a jewelry store, better do your research about what to expect in the store. finally!! Best of luck with your life!!! You don't seem to have lotta hope in your life.
Ash, thanks for your comment. When you attempt to make negative assumptions about someone's education, it is probably best not to use words like "cos," and you should probably use correct punctuation. Command of proper grammar aside, I do understand the psychology of advertising, but that doesn't mean I need to like every commercial on TV. There are plenty of non-annoying commercials. The commercials on this list, however, were ones that I find annoying. Good day.
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