Friday, December 23, 2011

The Scream

Edvard Munch has nothing on me.  After spending most of yesterday trying in vain to balance eggs on their end, I went to bed around 11:15 exhausted and despondent.  It generally takes me a while to fully fall asleep, and sometimes I will hear something while I'm half asleep that jolts me awake.  Around 11:45, I was in between consciousness and unconsciousness.  I must have heard something or had a dream that someone was in the house.  In the instant I half woke up, I looked towards my bedroom doorway and saw a tall skinny man standing there.  The sound that came out of my mouth is best described as a deafening, blood-curdling, girlish shriek.  If Freddy Krueger, Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers, Pinhead, that chick with a dick from Sleepaway Camp, and Purdue Pete were standing in my doorway, I wouldn't have screamed louder or more shrilly.  As I fully awakened and focused my eyes, I realized the tall skinny man was the shadow of the vertical door frame.  I wasn't sure if my scream was in my dream or out loud.  I figured that out pretty quickly because Jester had woken up, completely terrified.  As she describes my scream, "it was how I would expect you to scream if you woke up and thought you were about to be murdered."  I couldn't replicate it if I tried.  When I figured everything out (all of this took a matter of seconds), I thought it was pretty funny, particularly because if there was actually someone in my room, he would have undoubtedly been just as scared of me as I was of him, giving me just enough time to roll off the bed and grab my samurai sword from under the bed.  Who's screaming now, bean pole?

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