Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Tuesday Top Ten: Things Every Chicagoan Should Know How To Do

Between work, moving, unpacking, playoff hockey and basketball, and doing The Worm, I haven't had much time over the last couple weeks to do much posting.  Thankfully, Creature sent me a link to an article in the Red Eye entitled "25 things every Chicagoan should know how to do."  It's a pretty solid article.  

The "Get drunk at Lollapalooza for less" entry is one that I take advantage of once the sun goes down every night of Lolla.  Nothing like a sport bottle of wine or two to complement Jack White.

I also find the "Make a cocktail that tastes good using Malort" to be a shade hilarious because the author suggests that adding gin to Malort will somehow improve the taste.

I would add the following ten things every Chicagoan should know how to do, in no particular order:

1.  Vote twice in the same election.

2.  Shovel out and save a parking space in the winter with a lawn chair.  And slash the tires of any car that has the gall to take your spot.

3.  Use the word "yous" properly.  For instance:  "Yous guys wanna get some Portillo's and then maybe take some peyote and watch Operation Dumbo Drop?"

4.  Fly out of Midway instead O'Hare.  Because O'Hare sucks.

5.  Find your neighborhood bar and drink there, and maybe sing some karaoke if offered.

6.  Make a Chicago style hot dog, or at least order one.

7.  Shun one of those jackasses with the neon vests and the clipboards who try to stop you on State Street to get you to donate money to Children's International, Greenpeace, or whatever other organization they might be whoring themselves out for.  I find three methods to be particularly effective:  (1) pulling my phone out and pretending to have a conversation as I walk by them; (2) telling them I already donate; or (3) telling them to "fuck off."

8.  Take a shot of Jameson without wincing.  It's a simple, two-step process:  (1) take shot of Jameson; (2) don't wince.

9.  Sing all the words to "Bear Down Chicago Bears."  I know that I'll never forget the way the Bears thrilled the nation with their T formation.

10.  Order at the Wiener's Circle in the proper manner and, more importantly, understand that, under no circumstances, should you ever order a milkshake.

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