It is a sad Hair Band Friday. This morning, as I do every Friday morning I'm in the office, I went to Grooveshark.com to prepare today's Hair Band Friday playlist. Rather than being greeted with unlimited free music that I could embed into playlists and share with the world, I was greeted with a message that Grooveshark was shutting down, due in large part to its unlicensed use of free music that I could embed into playlists and share with the world. Worse yet, they deleted all of their files and playlists, so the many playlists I have compiled and embedded over the years will no longer work.
Needless to say, I was devastated. After snorting a few crushed-up Tuinals to go with my normal Hair Band Friday mountain of Peruvian coke, I showering myself and both Candi and Lexi in Stoli, Chris Holmes style, although thankfully, no one's mom was in the room. After I drank what I could off of their naked bodies, they tried to cheer me up by dancing provocatively with each other on my in-office stripper pole -- even going so far as to dress up like slutty jockeys because they know I'm jazzed about the Derby -- while I cranked out some Westlaw research. My spirits were still down, when Tesla's "Love Song" came on. Candi and Lexi started doing that thing where they fight over who gets to take dictation and who gets to take dick-tation. See what I did there? Just when it looked like things were about to come to blows (pun intended), Candi ripped the loudest queef you've ever heard, and we all started busting out laughing. God, it reeked, but it broke the tension. The three of us shot some China white, and then retreated to my in-office shower, where we banged for like an hour and a half. It's almost impossible to ejaculate while on heroin. But the point is, right before she OD'd, Lexi said to me, "Like the song says, 'love will find a way,' and baby, you're gonna find a way to make Hair Band Friday playlists again." She's right, you know. I just have to figure out how. In the meantime, watch the video for "Love Song" and pray for Lexi's speedy recovery, because she gives better hummers than the temp whose filling in while Lexi's in rehab. Rest assured, unlike Lexi, Hair Band Friday will never die.