Tuesday, June 09, 2015

Tuesday Top Ten: Favorite Nicknames for My Wife

This week marks the tenth anniversary since I married this woman:
I still can't believe that's what she wore to our wedding.  Over the years since we met and since we have been married, Jessie has acquired a variety of nicknames.  Here are my ten favorites (in alphabetical order):

1.  Hihon
Once I wrote an email to her in which I meant to use the greeting "Hi hon" –- "hon" being a colloquial term of endearment, short for "honey," often used by Americans in romantic relationships to refer to their significant others.  You can imagine my chagrin when I she called me and asked why I called her "Hihon" (which she pronounced "hee-hone").  A good laugh was had by all.

2.  Hon
This is a bland one, but I needed ten, so this one edged out "Woman."

3.  Jess
I rarely call her this, but perhaps I should, since it reminds me of Trey's saucy little tart of a girlfriend from The OC.  God, I miss that show, every damn day.

4.  Jesser
This is another underutilized nickname, as I generally revert to Jester if I'm going to go call her anything that starts with "Jes."

5.  Jester
This is my go-to nickname for her.  It's short and catchy, it brings back memories of Michael Ironside's stoic performance in Top Gun, and it accurately reflects her love of headwear with tassels and bells.  Also, whenever I beat her in Indian leg wrestling, I get to yell, "Yeehaw, Jester's dead!"

6.  Jesterio the Magnificent
For most of our relationship, she has been working on sleight of hand tricks.  She'll earn this nickname one of these days.

7.  Mama
She birthed all three of my known children, and they all refer to her as "Mama."  Well, not Son.  He doesn't really speak that much, other than to say "uh oh" when he purposely throws pretty much every piece of food, cup, plate, or toy laid before him onto the floor.  If I ever call her "Mama," it's specifically with the slightly patronizing and sexually harassing tone of an AC Slater to a Jessie Spano.

8.  Pea Head
The woman has a very small head.

9.  Peach
It's a little confusing because she's not a kind of fruit that I hate, nor does she bear any resemblance to a video game princess.

10.  Pen Ganker

Back when we met, she had a penchant for stealing pens to support her mescaline habit.

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