Midwestern Eavesdropping

Thirtysomething woman: "Have you had a cunt punch? It's pretty good."
--Chicago, Rocks, 1301 W. Schubert
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 4/26/13

2 Grams for $40

I am all for punking one's parents, and apparently so is comedian Nathan Fielder.  On his Twitter page, he issued the following challenge:  "Experiment: text your parents 'got 2 grams for $40' then right after 'Sorry ignore that txt. Not for you' Then tweet pic of their response."  Here is a link to a postwith some of the more hilarious results.  Thanks to The Weez for sending the link.  Unfortunately, my mom doesn't use text messages and my dad doesn't have a cell phone with text message capabilities (I kid you not), so I can only appreciate these types of things as an observer.  Enjoy.

Retro Video of the Week: "Playground" by Another Bad Creation

Sorry for late post.  No time for complete sentences.  Subject predicate.  Enjoy ABC.

American Psycho Musical

I didn't have time to write a Tuesday Top Ten today, but thanks to Ryan for sending me a link to this story about the fact that there is going to be an American Psycho musical. Other than those involving Mormons, uncle fuckers, time warps, or deaf, dumb, blind kids, I'm not a huge fan of musicals.  I have no doubt that list would be expanded to include killing Paul Allen (or Owen, if it's true to the book) with an ax to the face if I am able to make it to London next December or January.  My hope is that there is a musical version of "I like to dissect women, did you know that I'm utterly insane?"  "Murders and Executions" should be a pretty big number.  Anything glorifying Ed Gein would be a nice bonus.  No matter what, I expect it to be a laugh riot.

He Lives . . . And So Do The Rapings

Damn near seven years ago, I brought to your attention the story of a man I named Edgar Bellefontaine.  He stood at the outskirts of Daley Plaza, holding a sign accusing an FBI agent of the ongoing rape of his wife.  The rapings continued through at least September of 2006, and Edgar went so far as to hand out business cards relating to the rapings and "outlaws" who allowed, if not outright encouraged, the rapings, and yet Edgar refused to explain himself.  A few months later, we learned that the rapings had stopped, as they had never been rapings to begin with.  In August 2007, however, the rapings unexpectedly restarted, even as I attempted to take a break from you all to write a book that I finished several years ago but have yet to fully edit or attempt to get published.  We didn't hear from our beloved Edgar for a while, until after Obama got elected, when Edgar set out a personal plea to our President, despite the fact that the Commander in Chief has absolutely no authority over Cook County domestic relations proceedings.

I haven't seen Edgar in the last few years, so I assumed he finally got back together with his wife, Obama spared his child, and FBI agent Chris Saviano was brought to justice.  This morning, I happened to walking past Daley Plaza, and look who greeted me -- with a whistle.

Things appear to have gone downhill for Edgar.  He's still a dad, as you can tell by his "hat."  The top of his sign, which I was unable to capture photographically, declares, "RAPE HQ: FBI," which I think we all knew was the case.  How else would FBI agent Chris Saviano learn how to rape Edgar's wife so effectively while escaping prosecution?  Worse yet, Edgar's food seems to have gone the way of the FBI.  If I am to understand the placard affixed to his chest, a mere 18 days ago -- presumably while Edgar was distracted, making dolls out of the many strands of his ex-wife's hair that he still keeps in a shoe box next to his bare mattress in the middle of the master bedroom in his otherwise empty Gold Coast penthouse -- his food "druged" and raped him.  For those of you not familiar with druging, it's a medieval Flemish torture technique involving a lot of tickling.  Poor guy.

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 4/19/13

Retro Video of the Week: "Blame It On The Rain" by Milli Vanilli

It may be difficult to imagine, but there was a time when Milli Vanilli was huge.  Every song they put out was a hit.  In the span of about a year and a half, they had five Top 5 songs, including three #1 songs.  They seemed to be everywhere.  I even remember renting a VHS called Milli Vanilli in Motion, which was a compilation of their videos, and going ape shit in my mom's living room, even without the help of Jolt.  And then, as we all know, it all came crashing down in spectacular fashion when it was revealed that they hadn't sung any of their songs.  Actually, I shouldn't say "as we all know" because, I shit you not, I met someone in the last year or so who is about my age who had no idea what happened to Milli Vanilli or that they lip-synced all of their songs.  She is not Amish, either.  Then again, if she was Amish, she probably wouldn't have known about Milli Vanilli in the first place.  Mennonite, maybe.  Amish, hell no.  In retrospect, I shouldn't have even made an Amish reference, not that any of them are going to be reading this.  Live and learn.

Anyway, given the fact that it's been shitting rain all day, there's no better time than the present to blame something on said rain.  Gotta blame it on something.  Penned by songwriting wunderkind Diane Warren, "Blame It On The Rain" was Milli Vanilli's final #1 song, making the Thanksgiving holiday in 1989 a memorable one for everyone.  When watching this, it's amazing that it took as long as it did to figure out that a German guy and a French guy, neither of whose voices were particularly deep, couldn't sing like larger American soul singers.

Tuesday Top Ten: Songs by Boston-Based Bands

Yesterday, some coward(s) decided to ruin what is otherwise already a painful experience by detonating two bombs near the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing three and injuring over 150 others.  Terrorists are dicks.  Rather than go into some long-winded diatribe about how if everyone had IEDs, things like this would never happen, I will honor the victims of the tragedy the only way I know how:  with a playlist of songs I like.  Here are ten of my favorite songs from Boston-based bands, in alphabetical order by artist.

1.  "No More No More" by Aerosmith

With so many great Aerosmith songs to choose from, this was a difficult choice.  Ultimately, I went with "No More No More" because it's not as well known, and the title of the song seems appropriate given the circumstances.

2.  "Do Me" by Bell Biv DeVoe

Probably one of the best songs of the '90s.

3.  "Smokin'" by Boston

At some point in high school, I declared Boston to be the greatest band in rock and roll history.  It was a stretch, but then again, I had a lot going on hormonally at the time.  I still like Boston, and their debut album is probably, pound for pound, one of the best debut albums in rock history.  "Smokin'" seemed terribly appropriate.

4.  "Just What I Needed" by The Cars

This is my favorite Cars song.  I can't hear it without wanting to sing along.  It is also the only Cars song covered by short-lived Bloomington, Indiana-based punk quintet Cervical Implosion.  True story.

5.  "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" by Dropkick Murphys

There isn't a song in the last ten years that I associate more with Boston than this one.  Wicked.

6.  "Suzie (Wants Her All Day What?)" by Extreme

You didn't think I was going to have a list without a hair band song, did you?  I could have gone with "More Than Words" or "Hole Hearted," but I figured something where everyone in the bands plays would be a better representation of their actual sound.  I chose this one because I know no one named Suzie, or Suz, for that matter.

7.  "That's When I Reach for My Revolver" by Mission of Burma

This is a great post-punk song, with good use of anticipation.  But one must wonder if they had formed within the last several years, would their name be Mission of Myanmar?

8.  "Where Is My Mind?" by The Pixies

There were a couple Pixies songs I could have chosen, but I went with this one because it is eerie and because I have a morbid sense of humor and immediately thought "where is my leg?"  I'm a horrible human being.  When I listen to this song, I'm always amazed it was released in 1988 because it sounds like it should have been released in the early '90s at the height of the grunge era.  Definitely ahead of its time.

9.  "Dirty Water" by The Standells

Even though the Red Sox have essentially ruined this song for everyone else (much like Ohio State fans have done with "Hang on Sloopy"), this is still a really good '60s garage rock song.

10.  "Sinister Minister" by Township

Township is one of my favorite contemporary hard rock bands, and they just play great, straightforward rock and roll.  I went with "Sinister Minister," the first song off of their 2008 eponymous album.  Unfortunately, Grooveshark doesn't have this song, so you will have to click this link to check out the clip on Amazon.

Honorable Mention:  "Feed the Tree" by Belly; "Candy Girl" by New Edition; "The Impression That I Get" by Mighty Mighty Bosstones

Listen to Hair Band Friday - 4/12/13