Thursday, May 18, 2006

He Did What?

Sometimes there are matters best expressed by use of a sign. Sometimes it's better to pursue matters with the authorities, rather than by use of a sign.

The photo below, snapped by Ari "Annie Leibovitz" Pope today, right by the Daley Center, shows a man dressed in a business suit (you can't see that part) holding a sign that said "FBI Agent [indecipherable first name and last name], STOP RAPING MY WIFE."

In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary, come again? Personally, I think this situation calls for pursuing the matter with the authorities, and not the use of a sign. There are four possible scenarios that prompted the making this sign, none of which should have resulted in the sign being made (for sake of ease, we'll call the FBI agent Horace Mayweather, and the guy holding the sign and his wife will be Edgar and Wilhelmina Bellefontaine, which for some reason is pronounced "bell fountain"):

  1. Scenario 1: Agent Mayweather has, in the past, raped Wilhelmina multiple times. If indeed this is the case, filing a police report and pressing charges may be a better way of getting Mayweather to stop the repeated rapings than a sign, which I assume is trying to alert the authorities of Mayweather's transgressions.
  2. Scenario 2: Agent Mayweather was in the process of raping Wilhelmina. If this was the case, I think Edgar should have jumped in and intervened, rather than just hold up a sign to try to get Mayweather to stop. Who knows, maybe Agent Mayweather wasn't looking in that direction. And furthermore, Agent Mayweather might have completed the act by the time Edgar got a sign printed. The sign was futile at best. Hitting Mayweather with the materials it took to make the sign would have actually been a better idea than making the sign in the first place.
  3. Scenario 3: No rape(s) occurred at all, but simply consentual adulterous sex. He should have simply filed for divorce. It's tough, though, because he loves her and wants to trust her. Hell, part of him can't blame her anyway, 'cause he's been working so damn much, sometimes overseas on busines for a couple weeks at a time. Plus, there's the kids, Zoe, Joey, and Chloe. They would be crushed. He could try to work things out with Wilhelmina and they could put all of this behind them. But that process must start with one thing and one thing only: walking around the Daley Center with a sign accusing Mayweather of rape. In this scenario, the sign is a bad idea because it's misleading, and it may subject Edgar to a defamation suit.
  4. Scenario 4 (most likely): Edgar Bellefontaine is actually a paranoid schizophrenic named Roger Bergoine, Jr. who has never been married, never seen or been in the same room as an FBI agent, and has no idea what "raping" means. If this is the case, a sign was a really bad idea because it was just a big waste of time and energy.

No matter what, it was poor judgment all around on Edgar's part.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

5. Perhaps "Raping" is his wife's rather unfortunate actual name, and Edgar desperately wants the FBI to stop her from doing something she'll later regret.

GMYH said...

Touche. He might have forgot to put a comma in between RAPING and MY WIFE.

Anonymous said...

Exactly -- probably just a confusing appositive.