Airborne

Since I know Tron, Jamie, and Ashcraft will appreciate this, I wanted to make everyone aware of the fact that I am currently watching Airborne, the 1993 masterpiece starring a longhaired redheaded Seth Green as a completely unlikeable bag-o-douche named Wiley, as well as a young and angry Jack Black as the hilarious, overzealous villain Augie. Wiley's cousin Mitchell Goosen (who predictably referes to himself as Goose) moves from California to, gulp, Cincinnati to live with Wiley and Wiley's parents, played by Edie McClurg and the dude who played Mr. Dewey in Saved By The Bell. Goose says awesome things like, "I don't want you to get caught up in this, so I'm gonna jam," "I like the smell of the ocean, purple sunsets, and surfin' in the rain," and "bra" (referring to both males and females). He also puts his surfboard on his bed and has vivid surfing fantasies.

With good reason, Goose gets hazed pretty hardcore by Augie and the rest of the high school hockey team, which is funny because in the entire 2 1/2 years I lived in southwestern Ohio I don't think I ever heard an Ohio native utter the word "hockey," except when used in the sentence, "Wait, so the Dayton Bombers are a hockey team?" However, the producers of Airborne would lead you to believe that the prevalence of hockey in southwestern Ohio is on par with the prevalence of people who seriously believe that the Bengals have a chance at going to the Super Bowl every year. Luckily for Goose, he sends himself a package that contains his rollerblades. The hills of Cincinnati prove to be a worthy adversary for Goose's totally rad style of rollerblading. He pretty much thrashes various stairs and rails to the max.

The movie culminates in the most badass rollerblading competition every fictionalized on the silver screen. Also, the movie singlehandedly provided the impetus for the formation of the Columbus Blue Jackets.

Currently I'm watching Airborne while challenging myself to a rollerblading contest down Devil's Backbone.