Midwestern Eavesdropping - 9/24/09

Hammered chick outside bar: "I'm a good business woman. Like, I don't do well if you put me in, like, a mathematical situquation -- yeah, I just said situquation -- but I'm good at what I do."
--Chicago, Vaughan's, Sheffield & Oakdale
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "Let me tell you about the group of RETARDS I have THIS year."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Woman outside bowling alley: "I went to wake up Tim and he's lying there in a white shirt covered in barbeque sauce. In bed."
--Chicago, Diversey River Bowl, Divesey & Logan
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Early twenties drunk girl to her friends after looking at her face in the mirror of a bar bathroom: "The next bar we go to needs to be a lot darker."
--Chicago, State, 935 W. Webster
Eavesdropper: ERS

Mid 20s female consultant to mid 20s administrative assistant: "I have all sorts of pics of Kerry and I stuffing our cats into things they didn't want to be in."
--Chicago office of Big 4 firm
Eavesdropper: The Floppy Burrito

Apparently straight dude getting out of cab in front of a bar: "You were the one Googling 'biggest dick in the world.'"
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Fifth-grade teacher: "Asshole makes me happy."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thirtysomething guy to friends: "Once I get it up I'm fine. It's when I can't get it up that I have problems."
--Chicago, Diversey & Racine
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Region Rat: "I am a mental midget"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Drunk chick: "I used to date this guy and now he's like the second best hooker in Ireland."
--Chicago, Diversey River Bowl, Divesey & Logan
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething female who teaches children: "Can you put your glasses in the dishwasher? Isn't it a powerwash?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething female watching "The Biggest Loser": "Fat people don't even deserve to be happy."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thanks to all who contributed. As always, if you overhear something funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next exciting installment of Midwestern Eavesdropping.