What Have You

So what's up? Not much here. I figured I would fill you in on what's been going on with me over the past few weeks. I started a new job, so that's cool. I never thought I would enjoy being a fluffer as much as I do. So far so good.

A couple weekends ago, I got together in B-town for a mini pledge class reunion. Aside from me, it was Jamie (and wife and kids), Ball (sans wife and kids), Dave (sans wife – too soon?), Wee Wee (and wife and kid), and Grimace (and wife and kids). All in all, good times were had. We sat in the new part of Memorial Stadium, which is really nice. Only Jamie, Ball, Dave, and I stayed down there Saturday night, which involved Sink the Bismarck and laughter at Nick's, followed by stuffed breadsticks and getting slapped in the face by someone I vocally mistook for a stripper at Kilroy's. Sweetie, if your skirt barely covers your vagina, your boobs are sticking out of your skintight halter top, you're wearing stilettos, and you go up to a random guy (who looked like a character from a Bret Easton Ellis novel) on the sidewalk outside a bar and make out with him, you should expect certain labels to be thrust upon you by drunk thirtysomething males who are about to have daughters and are scared shitless they'll turn out like you. You should be in a Whitesnake video, not on Kirkwood.

Upon my return from God's country, I went to Lebowksi Fest. If you've never been, I highly suggest going when it hits your city. On the first night of the Fest, they have a showing of the film. The movie night was pretty solid. It was at the Portage Theater, which is a historic theater not unlike those frequented by Jeffrey Harharwood. The evening started with a Lebowski-themed burlesque show. Now I'm a weird guy with weird tastes. Hell, nothing turns me on more than when a naked pregnant woman reads Beowulf aloud to me, in Old English. But seeing a chick dressed up as Walter (beard and all) strip down to her damned undies will haunt me.

After that, a band called Black Diamond Heavies played. Their lead singer's voice sounded like someone had taken his vocal chords out, tied them to a chain, dragged them from a pick-up truck down a gravel road somewhere in West Texas, and then reinserted them. And I mean that in the best possible way. I thought they were pretty good. And of course they covered a couple songs from the movie (CCR's "Run Through the Jungle" and Dylan's "The Man in Me").

Before the movie started, there was a surprise satellite link to Los Angeles to man. And I'm talking about The Dude here. That's right, Jeff Bridges, dressed up as The Dude, with a White Russian in his hand, gave us a pre-movie benediction. That was pretty cool. Then we watched the movie, had a few laughs, a few beers, and called it a night.

In addition to the movie night, for the next two nights, they rent out a bowling alley, where, in addition to bowling, there are Lebowski costume contests (the categories are: The Dude; Walter; Maude; Jesus; other; and group) and a Lebowski trivia contest. Tradd, Bohmann, Australian Andrew, and I went to the second bowling night. This is the real heart of Lebowski Fest. Most people dress up. It's simply awesome. Tradd and I made it to the second round of the trivia contest, and Tradd made it to the finals, taking third. Achiever.

Also joining us there were The Floppy Burrito, his special ladyfriend Shannon, and her sister (Bridget) and brother-in-law (Dennis), dressed as The Stranger, the tumbleweed, dream sequence Maude, and dream sequence Dude, respectively.
Shannon won the "other" category in the costume contest, and Bridget and Dennis won the group category. And proud we are of all of them.

To top it off, Liam (Jesus' bowling partner in the movie) was there, bowling and what have you.
There was also a bowling contest. Of course, after the contest, I managed to bowl a 203 (my best game ever), which would have won the contest. I got a rash, man.

For a lot of pics from both bowling nights, here is a link from the official site. And for some videos, including a "Jesus Off," click here for the Lebowski Fest blog.

Myles Brand died. About 15 years too late.

The Brothers Weeser* (minus Tim and Greg) informed me last Thursday that he has never taken a shit at work. In my estimation, that's unhealthy.

My buddy Adam got married last weekend, here in downtown Chicago. After the rehearsal on Friday, I achieved one of my lifelong dreams: standing in the aisle on a school bus driving down I-55 while drinking a Keystone Light. In the words of Kid Rock, I am the bull god. I have no idea what that means.

The wedding itself was pretty awesome, although my body is not as resilient as it used to be. Apparently drinking whiskey all night (that's my wedding drink), then going to a 5 a.m. bar while wearing a three-piece suit and a monocle and talking about that wry bastard Andy Carnegie means that I get a wicked hangover. Live and learn.

Susan Atkins died today. Frankly, she should have been killed long ago – stabbed repeatedly while she was eight and a half month pregnant. Burn in hell.

Of course, even though I know better, I'm far too excited about the IU/Michigan game tomorrow, given that the Hoosiers are 3-0. Because I am a glutton for shattered dreams, I have hope that this year's team might have the gusto to pull off an upset, even though I know deep down that I'm just setting myself up for imminent disappointment. Such is the life of an IU football fan.