Father Time

This weekend was my first real test of fatherhood. Jester went out of town to The Meadows for the weekend -- something about a "much-needed coke binge." At least, I hope she said "coke." Thus, it was just me and Daughter (and Harley) this weekend. After two days of being a single parent, frankly I don't understand what all of the fuss is about. It was a fun-filled and action-packed two days.

We laughed, she cried.

We went shopping on Armitage and told people what time it was, or at least this one chick who was all "do you know what time it is?" Time to stop hitting on me, trollop.

We went to a birthday party for another infant, at which she slept for a total of 14 seconds, and cried for the remainder, thus prompting an early exit and a deserved 15-minute scolding once we got in the car.

I taught her how to terrorize an autistic dog into submission by opening umbrellas and making a fog horn sound by blowing into the top of an empty beer bottle. Oh, I also taught her how to drink beer.

We made gratuitous use of the Baby Bjorn.

She learned the ins and outs of yelling at the TV during White Sox games. Her first word will either be "mercy!" or "yougottabefuckingkiddingme."

I taught her how to make a shitload of hard-boiled eggs, eat all of them, and then buy another 18-count carton of eggs to make it look like nothing happened.

And all of this is just while she was awake. When she went to sleep, I recited The Big Lebowski to her from memory. After that, I got so much done: dishes, laundry, watching Metal Mania, online trivia, filing my canines into fangs, writing a screenplay about my weekend.

On the online trivia front, I've become pscyhologically addicted to Sporcle. While I have played many a game on there, here are the five that stuck out to me thus far as ones that you guys should check out:

1. Olympic Cities (10 minutes). Name every city in which the Olympics (summer and winter) have been held. I got 38 out of 47. For some of the winter cities, you would pretty much have to live there to know them.

2. Chicago Bears QBs (8 minutes). You have to name every Bears starting QB since 1985. I got 20 out of 28. Not to give you too much, but I am pissed at myself that I missed Will Furrer.

3. The OC Characters (6 minutes). They give you the actor/actress, and you name the character. I got 25 of 30. God, I miss that show.

4. Led Zeppelin Songs (12 minutes). Name every song from Led Zeppelin's 9 studio albums. I got 50 out of 81. My early Zeppelin is far more solid than my late Zeppelin.

5. Beatles Songs (19 minutes). Name every song from The Beatles' 13 studio albums. This is the motherlode. I got 127 of 192, which I consider to be pathetic. In the spring of 1999, I would have gotten a 192.

By the way, whenever you play MLB trivia games, do not forget about Nap Lajoie.