Midwestern Eavesdropping - 5/13/10

I've been stockpiling.

Prominent Hollywood composer reminiscing about the 80s: "You know, Len Bias really ruined it for the rest of us."
--Los Angeles
Eavesdropper: Weez

Thirtysomething female: "In Vegas, there was a homeless man with a dachshund. I wanted to kill him and take his dachshund."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething male returns to table during day-drinking viewing of Little 500: "Did I just leave the bar to shit? At Potbelly's? Yes!"
--Chicago, Kirkwood Bar, Sheffield & Oakdale
Eavesdropper: Goni

Twentysomething female: "I'm just looking for a guy who's into rope bondage."
--Durham, NC, West End Wine Bar
Eavesdropper: Flounder

Indianapolis Colts fan: "What quarter is the Wings game in?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

T-shirt worn by giant fat man: "I Beat Anorexia."
--Chicago, Lake & Dearborn
Eavesdropper: RDC

Mother to four-year-old son: "Drink your milk and I'll clean your bottom."
--Springboro, OH
Eavesdropper: Mounty

Hollywood development executive explaining preference for Owen Wilson over Luke Wilson: "They're both awful. But at least the blonde one had the decency to try and kill himself"--Los Angeles
Eavesdropper: Weez

Thirtysomething mom to husband: "Give her to me. Let her poop on my lap."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Accomplished Chicago chef recounting his experiences as a chef abroad: "I've never had pig cock."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Male and female friends discuss if he could pay her for sex:
Male: "Do you take credit cards?"
Female: "Only in one place."
--Durham, NC
Eavesdropper: Flounder

Street drummer to onlooker after finishing drum solo: "Give me money. Actually, give me money, crack, cocaine, or weed."
--Chicago, outside Chicago Theatre, State & Lake
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher, referring to a Dunkin Donuts box: "We could put the pill in one of those jelly filled Midgets and then feed it to her. (pause) Wait, isn't that what they're called? (pause) Are there any Midget in this box or what?"

Twentysomething school counselor: "Wait, what's a Midget?"
Special ed teacher: "Wait, what are they called?"
Counselor: "I've been sitting here waiting for a punch line to a joke. They're called Munchkins."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Hipster chick at concert: "I've had my fair share of mac and cheese, you could say."
--Chicago, Schuba's, Belmont & Southport
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Drunk twentysomething marketing executive at a bar: "Do what you will to me, boys!"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Petite thirtysomthing female: "I'm a German man trapped in a woman's body. Woodworking. Accordion playing. Dachshunds. It's all there." --Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Twentysomething therapist at a bar: "There's a nice little dick on that one."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Sixtysomething woman in hair curlers and robe, holding cup of coffee, to sixtysomething man leaving her house at 9am on a Sunday: "I'm not really into that right now."
--Chicago, Sheffield & Montana
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomthing female waiting for the 1st period of a hockey game to end: "I think we should try a 6-way in 2 minutes and 20 seconds."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thirtysomthing female: "I'd really like to raise a chicken in the city."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Fourth grade teacher referring to a Sheltie: "He just got me in the face."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thirtysomthing female watching Biggest Loser: "I feel like this show rewards people for being fat. Hey, here's a celebrity because you're a fat ass."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks to the many of you who opened your ears – and your hearts – to submit to this installment. It was a pretty solid one. As always, if you overhear something funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.