Midwestern Eavesdropping - 6/10/10

Twentysomething female: "I like my slaw like I like my men. Mayonaisse based."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Guy at a bar: "If at any point your work becomes more important than getting laid, you're not a real man."
--Durham, NC
Eavesdropper: Flounder

Early thirties marketing exec: "Well she's not cute but I have news for you, she's also a fire thrower."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Floppy Burrito

Twentysomething female after making a shot in beer pong: "Have you ever been so awesome you need to have a handshake with yourself?"
--Indianapolis
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Late twenties guy on train: "We are retarded with a sprinkle of douche bag. I mean people like us, so we can't be complete douche bags."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: EC

Twentysomething 4th grade teacher: "Why do I get the shivers every time I swallow?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Husband, after seeing wide lick spoon after feeding infant: "Did you just take a lick of that?"
Wife: "It's just bananas, pureed. I love baby food."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething teacher: "Speaking of raw vaginas, let me tell you about Dave's sister."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Guy and girl are shopping at Costco:
Girl: "Oooh, I need baking soda."
Guy: "For the next four years?"
--Chicago, Costco, Clybourn and Damon
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Drunk guy to a woman with two masters degrees: "You wouldn't be able to understand Golden Tee."
--Chicago, Rocks, 1301 W. Schubert
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thirtysomething female to husband: "I can't wait until we have a house with a yard so we can have badminton tournaments."
--Chicago, Sheffield & Lill
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething female after two glasses of wine: "Look at that cat. All she cares about is her cat vagina."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Same twentysomething female after two glasses of wine: "Wait, you mean mousse? Oh. I thought a Grasshopper Mousse cake was the result of a Grasshopper and a Moose mating. Then I tried to figure out how a Grasshopper and a Moose would mate. Grasshopper refers to the mint in the cake. Now it all makes sense. It's a Grasshopper Mousse cake, not a Grasshopper Moose."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething female at street festival after returning from bathroom: "I would've eaten out of that port-a-potty."
--Chicago, May Fest, Lincoln & Western
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething special ed teacher trying to say "pork chop" in pig Latin: "Ix-nay on the ork-pork-op-chop-ay."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thirtysomething female at The Gap: "The Gap's turned into an ugly lesbian warehouse."
--Chicago, The Gap, North & Sheffield
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething 4th grade teacher referring to old school Tootsie Pop commercial with the owl: "I hated those commercials because they weren't in HD."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

As we do from time to time, here are a couple photos that are not technically eavesdropping, but worthy of inclusion:

--Dayton, OH, Wal-Mart

Eavesdropper: Holt

--Chicago

Eavesdropper: Tron

Thanks to all who contributed. As always, if you overhear (or take a picture of) something hilarious, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, and it will be included in the next installment of Midwestern Eavesdropping.