Monday, November 08, 2010

Shit I Hate: Female Gingko Trees

Probably the worst tree I know is the female gingko tree. It rains upon the world acorn-sized pellets that, when broken open, smell like a part of the female human: the anus. I kid -- everybody knows girls don't poop. But seriously, what asshole (pun intended) thought it would be a good idea to plant trees that smell like baby shit? It's bad enough that shit smells like shit, but we shouldn't have to worry about trees that smell like shit. I used to purposely avoid the most direct route when walking to school because there was a block lined with gingko trees (commonly known as the "Vomit Block"). I had enough to worry about in high school -- acne, the inability to talk to women, my unwavering commitment to the sweatshirt. I sure as shit didn't need the additional worry of smelling like rancid dairy products.

Now, these odorous menaces are invading my commute. There are several gingko trees about 30 yards from one of the entrances to the Grand L station downtown. In the mornings, it's not a problem because street and sidewalk cleaning has taken place overnight. But by the afternoon, the bombs have dropped on the sidewalk and been crushed under the soles of unknowing (or unsmelling) pedestrians, and the smell of ginkgo stank hangs over the entrance. I hate that shit. I strongly urge everyone in the world to refrain from planting female gingko trees in areas frequented by people with working olfactory systems.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hate trees too especially
pine trees and oak trees.The main
reason I hate those trees is becuase I usually get something
stuck up there and i can't get it down. Ounce it's up there it can't come down which sucks!