One thing Jester and I agree on is that pumpkins are cool. You may recall that last year, I attempted to carve a Gene Simmons pumpkin, but I only had kitchen knives. Things started to go south with the pumpkin at the same time IU was blowing a lead at Iowa. The result was that I punched a pumpkin. "There's gotta be a better way," I told my counselor, and I thereafter bought a pumpkin carving kit. Jester and I each got a pumpkin this year, and we bought some stencils from Zombie Pumpkins. Jester went with an owl, and I went with heavy metal's favorite mascot, Iron Maiden's Eddie. Doing a stencil takes some patience and steady hands, but the results are definitely worth it. Here are ours:
Every now and then, you need a night to remind you you're mortal. Saturday night was one of those nights for me. Like last year, Ryan's special ladyfriend Kaila and her roommate Mary had a Halloween costume bash. Due to her aversion to dressing up, Jester was more than happy to let me go to the party alone while she stayed home with Daughter (since Daughter can't drink yet). My costume this year was Slash. I had dressed up as Slash for a hair band party my roommates and I threw in April 2002. I kept the costume (or what was left of it – I lost the top hat and the wig, the two most important pieces) just in case, although I came to the blunt realization that I am a lot larger now than I was when I was 24, so I had to get a whole new costume. This was fine because it meant I got to improve upon the costume. You know I don't half-ass Halloween costumes. At the nearby costume store, I got a new wig, top hat, and sunglasses, all of which were better than the old ones, and I also bought a belt of bullets, which was adjustable, so I put that around the hat. At various thrift stores, I bought some black jeans, a couple black shirts, a jean jacket, and a pair of cowboy boots. I cut holes in the black jeans and tore the sleeves off the jacket, then washed them both. I also bought an Aerosmith iron-on transfer at Michael's, and I put that on a black t-shirt, which I then cut the sleeves and neck off of. I looked pretty good, in my opinion.
I need to stop dressing up as rock stars for Halloween. As you may recall, back in aught six, I dressed up as Ace Frehley. I swallowed my wife's contact lens that night (allegedly). This year, as part of my Slash costume, I drank a fifth of Jack Daniel's because, well, a little wouldn't do it. I prefer accuracy and authenticity over responsibility and prudence. It's not like I could see anything anyway. Predictably, I was one of the last people to leave the party because, well, Slash doesn't strike me as someone who goes home early. I think my biggest mistake came not in the finishing of the bottle of Jack (I did have some help, by the way), but from playing flip cup afterward. Apparently Kaila hit The Brothers Weeser* (minus Dan and Greg, of course) in the face with a cupcake, which I don't recall. I wish I was making that up. While Jester did give me a 2 a.m. curfew, I think we all know that Slash is on Sunset Strip time, so I stumbled in the door a little before four, in my mind obeying the curfew. Jester didn't see it my way, even after hearing what Vampire Monet had to say about it. There is no pleasing that woman. I then proceeded to chug water and attempt to remain standing for the next hour or so to avoid the spins. Key word being "attempt." I knew it was time to go to bed when I found myself sleeping standing up. Yes, I am 33 years old. For reasons that are unclear to me, Jester was nice enough to let me sleep in until about noon on Sunday, although I could have easily slept until Wednesday. I used to get up on time. By the way, please don't let me dress up as Bon Scott next year.
Anywho, I did see some pretty awesome costumes at the party, as well as before and after. Here are the top ten (plus some more).
10 (tie). Good Luck Bear from The Care Bears. His hood with his ears is down in the picture, or else it would be more obvious.
9. Zinedine Zidane, the French soccer star who, in the 2006 World Cup final, infmously headbutted an Italian player who allegedly called Zidane's mom a racial slur. This costume only works for people with Bic'd heads. And Zidane uniforms.
8. Flo from the Progressive commercials and Mayhem from the Allstate commercials. Oddly, about 20 minutes after these two walked in, another couple in the same two costumes walked in. I thought Bill and Carly had better costumes than the other two, so take that, other people I don't know.7. Duff Man.
6. Sophia and Dorothy from The Golden Girls (i.e., Estelle Getty and Bea Arthur). Of course, once Stephanie (Sophia) left, Nick (Dorothy) just looked like a tranny, or possibly Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. Of course, it didn't help that he kept asking himself if he would fuck himself and concluding that, yes, he would fuck himself.
5. Kenny Powers, complete with a Charros uniform.
4. Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything... Kudos to Daniel for buying a boom box and a Peter Gabriel tape. Every so often during the course of the night, he would hold the boom box up and blare "In Your Eyes."3. Flanders. Pretty darn diddley solid.2. Bob Wiley from What About Bob?, complete with an actual goldfish playing the part of Gil. Nice work, Hack.
1. John McClane from Die Hard. Kudos to Tim Weeser* for taking the title for the second year in a row. I reward those who go the distance. The gun taped to the back with "Seasons Greetings" tape. The dirt and fake blood slathered meticulously all over his body. The bloody feet. The hit list on the arm. An actual gun with live amunition. Well done, sir.