Girl on cell phone to friend a couple days before Halloween: "You don't have to dress like a slut. (pause) Although if you are going downtown Saturday night, it definitely wouldn't be a bad thing to be slutty Julia Child."
--Chicago, State and Illinois
Eavesdropper: GMYH
End of conversation: "Because throne brings the maple syrup."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Tron
Thirtysomething female: "Everytime an angel gets its wings, a macaroni gets its cheese."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
Thirtysomething guy at bar after New Orleans Saints scored a touchdown in a playoff game: "Can you imagine how many people are standing on their roofs cheering about that touchdown?"
--Chicago, Rocks, 1301 W. Schubert
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Guy: "Smoking and drinking -- stupid."
Girl: "You still can get a job while smoking and drinking."
Guy: "Not one with money."
--Chicago, Red Line train
Eavesdropper: RDC
Sign in crowd on ESPN College Gameday before Illinois/Northwestern game: "A Northwestern graduate earns more than an SEC recruit."
--National television
Eavesdropper: Piss and Binegar
Thirtysomething woman to a group of friends: "I'm worried about getting scurvy. That's why I drink vodka and grapefruit juice."
--Ann Arbor, MI, Damon's
Eavesdropper: Gregerson
Thirtysomething father to his adolescent son: "That's for Asians. No no, that's cologne for Asians." (Family of Asians walks by.)
--Naperville
Eavesdropper: Matthew Spring
Drunk girl at wedding reception: "I'll tell ya what I think about HIV, it's a rich man's disease."
--Pontiac, IL
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Fourth grade teacher referring to a bottle of wine: "I will take that WHOLE thing up my butt."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
Girl: "The funniest part was when he switched his accent to not Scottish."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Floppy Burrito
Thirtysomething guy describing Irving Fryar: "He like, cut his finger off after fucking some girl."
--Chicago, Rocks, 1301 W. Schubert
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Thirtysomething woman upon seeing Joe Paterno on TV: "Is that Larry King?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Tron
Twentysomething marketing exec to a thirtysomething fifth grade teacher: "If you come into my house, then I get to come into your mouth."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
Wife, while watching Robert DeNiro retrospective during the Golden Globes: "Raging Bull's about boxing?"
Dumbfounded husband, laughing: "Yes."
Wife: "I had no idea. I always assumed it was a western."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Guy: "Who punches another man in the kidneys? That's where you punch women."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Anonymous
Guy at work party: "Women need to be fucked to be sane. It's just that simple."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Guy: "I love my girlfriend. But I wish I didn't."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: RDC
Twentysomething special ed teacher, to husband: "Billy Joel and Neil Diamond are on my shit list. I can't believe you like them." (Nick Lachey appears singing a Christmas song on a TV show.) "Now THERE'S a singer."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
Girl: "It's 8:30."
Guy: "Huh?"
Girl: "It's only 8:30. I'm like eleven o'clock drunk."
--Pontiac, IL
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Guy 1: "Whose face are you nutting on?"
Guy 2 (whose dog's name is Moose): "Hopefully Moose's."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
Thirtysomething guy at wedding: "What do you call a muffin top if it's someones back over their dress?"
--Pontiac, IL
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Twentysomething special ed teacher: "Nick Lachey is a MUSICIAN. Haven't you ever heard of a little group called N'Sync?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
Twentysomthing lawyer walking down the hall: "I just wanna be whistling."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Twentysomething security consultant after eating too much on Christmas: "I could shit myself right now if I really wanted to."
--Princeton, IL
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
Drunk chick at bar: "I have a mountable ass."
--Roanoke, IN
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Mother to thirtysomething son on way out the door to indie rock concert a block away in neighborhood that hasn't had a gang problem since the 1930s: "Watch out for any weirdos."
Guy: "Like what?"
Mom: "I don't know, like gangsters."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Wife: "You think I care about jump roping?"
Husband: "Is that like talk shitting?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian
As we do from time to time, here is something that isn't technically eavesdropping, but worthy of inclusion. Here's an email:
Girl: "If you have seen me lately and thought to yourself, 'Yikes,
time to lay off the donuts' do not be alarmed - I am just having a
baby."
Guy: "So, you're saying you've been pregnant for like five years?"
--The information superhighway
Eavesdropper: The Floppy Burrito
And here's another one that's not technically eavesdropping:
1989ish Acura Integra with a "Fear This" sticker on the passenger door.--Chicago, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: Gregerson
As always, thanks to everyone who contributed. When you overhear or oversee something funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next Midwestern Eavesdropping.
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