Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Tuesday Top Ten: Potential Names for the Prince of Cambridge

In case you've been living under a rock, or possibly in Iraq, yesterday, the future King of England was born to Prince William and Duchess Catherine.  His official title until his great-grandmother, grandfather, and father die will be the Prince of Cambridge.  His given name has not yet been, well, given to him.  Prince William's name wasn't announced for about a week after he was born, and Prince Charles was nameless for a month after he was born, so we may be waiting awhile. 

Irish bookmaker Paddy Power has the odds as follows (top 5 only -– Boris is a longshot at 100:1):
George 2:1
James 5:2
Alexander 8:1
Richard 9:1
Louis 11:1

These are all well and good, except maybe for Louis, given the historic tensions between the British and the French, but I have eleven suggestions of my own for the name of the new Prince (in alphabetical order):

1.  Akeem.  That way, he will always be able to maintain diplomatic relations with Zamunda.
2.  Albert
3.  Boris.  I think the 100:1 odds on this are probably too generous, but it's a shame because an English Prince or King named Boris would be hilarious.  Of course, he would have to be dimwitted and always getting himself into hijinx.  That way, he can perfect his "who? me?" shrug as he looks straight into the camera after his mom says "What are we gonna do with you, Prince Boris?" after Boris sullied his royal suit tripping in a puddle while trying to chase a goose that had just made off with his crumpet with jam.  And on St. George's Day, no less!
4.  Dennis Farina.  I'm pretty sure it was no coincidence that Farina died the same day the Prince was born.  This just makes sense.  English royalty is old school; Dennis Farina is Old Style.  (Thanks to DBH for the link.)
5.  Give Me Your Handrew
6.  Jayden, Kayden, Braeden, Zayden, Ryker, Dax, Grayson, Jaxon, or any other terrible trendy name the uneducated masses have glommed onto in recent years.  That way, when he's King in 60 years, he can proclaim that no one shall ever be named that again.  And so it shall be.
7.  Leon.  If I can't have a Leon, the United Kingdom should be able to have one.
8.  Prince.  Like Boutros Boutros Ghali, Prince Prince exudes an air of respect.  And this will let him give commoners a good ribbing when they call him Prince, and he can be all, "How dare you call me by my first name!  Off with your head!"  And then the commoner, who would be shitting him- or herself, would be all, "No, I was calling you by your royal title."  And then Prince Prince would grin and be all, "Gotcha, bitch!" in his best Dave Chappelle voice before doing The Worm across the room.  And then they would laugh and take another hit from the royal bong.
9.  Ralph.  For when he becomes King.
10.  Rogers Nelson

11.  S

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