Monday, July 08, 2013

Zombie Dust

Last night, I had a pretty vivid dream about the impending zombie apocalypse.  I am known for having weird dreams, although I don't watch movies or TV shows relating to zombies, so this one caught me off guard.  

Zombies were invading Chicago.  They were moving eastward, from the burbs toward Lake Michigan, probably because the population is denser in the City, which means more food for the zombies.  They eat human flesh, you know.  The kicker was that it was hard to tell who was a zombie and who wasn't.  I ran into a co-worker on the street, made some small talk, and then looked at her eyes, only to realize they bore the mark of the undead.  Then she tried to bite my leg.  Zombies can be pesky, but thankfully, I had a crew of about five or six non-zombies with me, who helped me kick her off me before she could taste my presumably succulent flesh.  Then we shot her head off and made our way to Union Station, picking up non-undead followers, taking out a few more zombies on the way, and making a much-needed bathroom break.  

When we arrived at Union Station, things started to really come together.  Kevin Durant had mobilized his forces as well, and we met by the old stairs made famous in The Untouchables.  Durant and I were spearheading resistance and zombie-related injury prevention efforts, attempting to get people to take trains westward until the zombie infestation died off.  The thinking was that the zombies were descending on the City, but if there are no humans for zombies to feed on, they will starve and die, and then the Chicago Streets and Sanitation Department can clear the streets of the zombie corpses (earning time and a half at that), and we can all go back to enjoying the summer.  In an address to the masses, not unlike that of Cyrus in The Warriors, we laid out our plan.  We also made a flyer detailing everything, since it's impossible to be too prepared for a growing throng of selfish flesh-eaters who lack the ability to empathize.  

Unfortunately, I woke up before our plan could come to fruition, so I don't know if it worked or whether the train conductors turned out to be zombies.  But then this morning, I found out that Kevin Durant just got engaged, so it seems like things must have worked out.  Unless they're both zombies.  Shit.

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