Thursday, February 15, 2007

Midwestern Eavesdropping - 2/15/07

Here's some Midwestern Eavesdropping:

Twenty something male attorney runs into 30ish mistress/girlfriend of infamous local plaintiff's attorney ("that guy" who runs tv ads 24/7 and is prominently displayed on the back cover of the phonebook) on his way to work:
Attorney: "It sucks walking to work when it's this cold outside. I bet it's about zero degrees out here."
Mistress (dead serious): "More like MINUS zero, probably."

Eavesdropper: Holt

A girl best described as “orca-fat” wearing a belly shirt exposing a lifetime of lard consumption walks past:
Fleece Vest: “Jesus, have some goddamn dignity.”
Button Down: “I hooked up with her.”
Fleece Vest: “Are you fucking serious?”
Button Down: “Yep.”
Fleece Vest: “But… how?”
Button Down: “It wasn’t that difficult.”
Fleece Vest: “She’s like a wooly mammoth, dude.”
Button Down (shrugging): “I’ve done worse.”

Fleece Vest: “How is that possible?”
Button Down: “She’s still got both her arms.”
--Bloomington , IN, Nick's English Hut
Eavesdropper: RobD

Late 20s male, Saturday morning after a pancake eating contest the night before: "All of my dreams last night consisted of me crapping my pants."
--Cincinnati, Mt. Lookout
Eavesdropper: Tron

Young profession walks into LaSalle Bank on one of the coldest days of the year amidst one this years snow storms, completely bundled and obviously on the brink of actually freezing. Completely serious the teller looks at him and says: "Is it still cold out there?"
--Chicago, IL, LaSalle Bank, Dearborn and Monroe
Eavesdropper: Klank

Guy: “You go here, or are you just in town for the weekend?”
Girl: “No, I go to school here.”
Guy: “What year are you?”
Girl: “Nineteen.”
Guy (pauses): “So… sophomore?”
-- Bloomington , IN, Kilroy's

Eavesdropper: RobD

Elevated railcar conductor over in-train speaker system after train had been stopped on the tracks in between stations for several minutes: "Ladies and gentlemen, we're stopped because there was a situation with a train stopped at the Segdwick station. Apparently a passenger was exposing himself on the train. The police are at Sedgwick, and we're waiting until they remove him from the train."
--Chicago, Purple Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Guy 1: “Shot time… what do you want?”
Guy 2 (without hesitation): “Mexican Cousin” – points at girl in line – “She’s doing one too.”
Girl: “I’ll do it, but at least tell me what’s in it.”
Bartender: “Don’t ask me.”
Guy 2: “Tequila, Jack, Midori , Tabasco .”
[Bartender winces]
Girl: “Oh… God.”
[shots are taken]
Girl: “Shit… that was spicy. Goddammit it, my tongue’s gonna swell up. Hang on.”
--Bloomington , IN, Nick's

Eavesdropper: RobD

Two twenty something guys Walking past a Chicago Bears souvenir store on Monroe:
Guy 1: "What do you think they do with the t-shirts they print before the super bowl for the team that loses?"
Guy 2: "I think they give them to world aid organizations."
Guy 1: "So you mean to tell some deprived child in a third world country actually believes the Bears won they super bowl? That's awesome."
--Chicago, Clark & Monroe
Eavesdropper: Klank

Guy: "Holy shit, I just farted, and it smells like being inside a pumpkin. I’m serious. No, seriously, you gotta check this out."
--Bloomington, IN, 3rd & Dunn

Eavesdropper: RobD

This one's not really eavesdropping, but I thought it was strange/funny:
Button on twentysomething professional female's backpack: "First Lady of the World, Eleanor Roosevelt" circling a picture of some old bull dyke.--Chicago, Washington & Wells L platformEavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks to all who contributed. As always, if you overhear something funny, email it to for inclusion in the next edition of the world-famous Midwestern Eavesropping.

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