Lent

Happy Ash Wednesday, you Catholic bastards. Well, with Jesus' annual 40-day fast, it's time to figure out what I'm giving up for Lent, thus offsetting the other 325 days of the year, where I live and work as a non-practicing Catholic. Gotta cover your bases, people.

In the past several years I've given up fried food and drinking during the week. So this year, I think I'm going to give up drinking during the week and fried food.

As in years past, I will provide you with a list of ideas for what to give up, in case you haven't picked anything yet, or in case you just converted to Catholicism and you're all "what the fuck?":
-Fidelity (sorry, hon, it's for Jesus).
-Calling cornhole by the improper names "bags" or "corn toss"
-Spying on opponents' final walkthrough practice
-Voting
-Saying "PopoZao" after every single time you come (except after masturbating because that's just funny)
-Banana-flavored Now and Laters (I gave these up once when I was 11 or 12. It's not that hard)
-Hoarding pig fetuses
-Shopping at Lane Bryant (too soon?)
-Using the phrase "campaign rhetoric"
-Being so fucking crazy and out of control that the public sincerely wants K-Fed to have sole custody of your children
-Singing, but not making videos.
-Working out (too late!)