Thursday, February 07, 2008

Midwestern Eavesdropping - 2/7/08

Here you go:

Secretary speaking sternly into phone: "So, if you're telling me she's dead, this needs to be looked into."
--Chicago, Wacker & Madison
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Book-smart late-20s professional commenting that the team should work together to complete a project: "Let's just all get together and gang bang it out!"
--Huntersville, NC
Eavesdropper: Yehday

Several males discuss STDs, and one innocently asks: "Wait, you can't get a disease from a blowjob, can you?"
--Bloomington, IN
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomthing wannabe trixie, looking at bottle of German condiment on table at a German restaurant, which she keeps sniffing and looking at the bottle's German label, says to her boyfriend: "I think it's the German soy sauce."
--Chicago, Chicago Brauhaus, 4732 N. Lincoln Ave.
Eavesdropper: Jesterio

Thirtysomething male to several friends: "I haven't paid any money to get a blowjob or have sex, but you haven't gotten a handjob from a masseuse?"
--Bloomington, IN
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Red headed high school math teacher at a bachelor party: "I love women, I've hooked up with enough of them. That doesn't mean that I respect them though"
--Minooka, IL
Eavesdroppers: RDC and DOV

Guy in 30s or 40s on cell phone sitting by himself at a table in a bar: "Tell your mom I'm tired of fucking chicken."
--Bloomington, IN, Yogi's, 10th & Indiana
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Young twentysomething couple, comprised of born-and-raised Midwestern man and fresh-off-the-boat Peruvian girlfriend, walk into Menard's:
Girl: "It smells like America in here."
Guy: "Yes it does. Yes it does."
--Chicago, Menard's, Wrightwood & Clybourn
Eavesdropper: Klank

Female bartender: "That was gross. I can't get it out of my mouth."
--Bloomington, IN, Yogi's, 10th & Indiana
Eavesdropper: GMYH

A female college student approaches a group of 3 thirtysomething males at a bar and asks the guys to buy beer from the girl at the nearby beer tub, one of her friends:
Female: "Next time you guys get some beer, get it from Kristen over there. She's my friend and she's cute and she's having a slow night."
Male: "If I give you $40, will you show us your boobs?"
Female (not as offended as you might expect): "No"
Male: "What about $60?"
Female: "No"
Male: "What about $100?"
Female: "No thanks."
Male: "How about I give you $40 to show you my boobs?"
Female: "No"
--Bloomington, IN, The Bluebird, 7th & Walnut
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Burnt-out fiftysomething former hippie, to wife at Target: "Wait a minute? Uh, do they sell, uh, hangers here?" [overpronouncing the "g" in "hangers," so it was "hang-grrs"]
--Chicago, Target, Elston & Logan
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks to everyone who contributed. Keep up the good work. As always, if you overhear something ridiculous or hilarious or something that can easily be taken out of context, email it to, and I will include it in the next exciting installment of Midwestern Eavesdropping.

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