Midwestern Eavesdropping - 10/15/08

Beware the Ides of October. Sorry for the delay. Enjoy.

Twentysomething female discussing Gossip Girl: "I saw an episode of this in Costa Rica in Spanish, and it was so good. I don't even speak Spanish."
--Cincinnati
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Guy walking around tailgating fields looking for friends' tailgate, after hanging up phone, to himself: "The red and white tent? No shit? At an IU tailgate?"
--Bloomington, IN, tailgating fields
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething female: "His pants are so tight I think he's going to get a yeast infection."
--Cincinnati
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething female, while watching True Blood: "From the looks and sounds of it, I wouldn't like vampire bars."
--Chicago, Montana & Seminary
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Redneck at baseball game, to his wife: "You have ehny racooon excreeetion left?"
--Cincinnati, Great American Ballpark
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething male, to weird older chick in accounting, who is single of course: "Hey Laura, what are you doing for your birthday?"
Laura: "Getting drunk and forgetting how old I am."
Male: "All right then."
--Irvine, CA
Eavesdropper: Tail Pipe

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "Twentysomething Asian friend has been AOL of late."
--Cincinnati
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething wife to husband while walking in general direction of Holocaust Museum: "I don't know where the hillel we're going. Ha!"
--Washington, DC, several blocks west of the Holocaust Museum
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething female hoochie: "See this ass? It gets this soft from eating all these soft pretzels."
--Cincinnati, Oktoberfest
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Guy on Metro looking at tourist map, excitedly: "I didn't know the Vice President had a house!"
--Washington, DC
Eavesdropper: GMYH

One teacher talking about her colleague: "She's afraid of little holes . . . like Swiss cheese. She is actually afraid of Swiss cheese."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething female walking on sidewalk, talking on cell phone: "And he was like 'take one,' and I thought he was kidding. Then he pulls all these pills out of his pocket, and I was like 'you're my boss.'"
--Chicago, Racine & Montana
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Fifth grade teacher talking about consuming 1000 calories in alcohol: "I'll kill you, I'll pee you, I'll even throw you up."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Late '40s overweight female: "I have a restraining order on my second husband; now give me a screwdriver, with the cheap shit!"
--Indianapolis, Moe & Johnny's
Eavesdropper: Kazda

Twentysomething female teacher #1: "Wait, aren't there nitroglycerines (plural) in cigarettes?"
Twentysomething female teacher #2: "No, that's nicotene."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething businessman waiting awkwardly for his wife to finish the phrase: "You can take the teacher out of the school, but you can't take the . . . ."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething female: "Ew, I just dutch-ovened myself with my face."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thanks to all those who contributed, especially The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian. For all who overhear something hilarious, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com (save it in your phone if you can email from your phone for quick relay of drunken eavesdroppings) for inclusion in the next installment of Midwestern Eavesdropping, which will hopefully be within the next three weeks.