Look Out.

Jessie is out of town this weekend, visiting The Meadows, Snow-covered for Ari's bachelorette party. This leaves me to my own devices. As you might expect, I will spend the weekend doing the following: staying out until 5 or 6 in the morning; drinking whiskey in bed; dressing the dog up as a ninja; flirting with Target employees using the name "d'Artagnan" and talking about my three buddies "who are really into swords and fucking. Now where did you say the cereal was?"; mining bauxite; passing gas in public; triple dog daring homeless people to eat quarters for pennies; and taking a bath in gin from three to five tomorrow and Sunday afternoons.