Derby!

This past weekend, Jester and I had the pleasure of attending the 135th running of the Kentucky Derby. Jessie had not previously attended the Derby, while I had gone in 2001 and 2004. Both of those years, I sat (and stumbled) in the infield. I'm not sure I saw a horse except on the jumbotrons. This year would be different.

Our friend Tony, aka TG, aka T Ditty, aka Master T, works at Churchill Downs and was able to secure us some pretty awesome seats in the lower grandstand, about 20 yards back from the track and about 50-70 yards before the finish line. Here is the view from our seats.We were informed that the grandstand carries with it certain expectations of decorum that one might not find on the infield. So, this year, instead of shorts and a sleeveless "Show Me Your Tits Or I'll Pour My Beer On Them and Then Drink the Beer I Just Poured on Your Tits Off of Your Tits and Then I'll Do It Again 'Cause I'm a Dick Like That and I Love Tits" t-shirt, I wore my seersucker suit. Jessie wore a dress, accompanied by a fantastically garish hat. Bear in mind that nearly every hat worn at the Derby can be described as garish.And if we didn't want to sit in our seats the whole time, we could go up to Tony's office, which (1) is right next to a balcony that overlooks the main entrance to Churchill Downs and thus makes for some great people watching, (2) has a TV with closed-circuit racing coverage, and (3) is down the hall from several private betting machines. It was awesome.

Here is a view from the balcony. As you can tell, that's Barbaro, who has been forever preserved in carbonite, ridden by who I assume is Han Solo.
For those of you who aren't familiar with the Derby, the actual Derby is the 11th of 13 races run during the day, with the first race starting at 10:30 a.m. (and the Derby coming around 6:30). We got there a little before 10.

After a short tour of the Downs, the betting commenced. Over the course of the day, I hit one trifecta (which, unfortunately, was an early race, so there wasn't as much in the betting pool and only paid out $54), and a few other win/place/shows.

I also discovered some diabolical bet called The Matrix. I took the red pill and discovered not a simulated reality, but a bet-hedgers' betting dream. You pick 3 horses and pick how much you want the bet to be (usually $1 or $0.60), then The Matrix gives you a win bet on each horse, as well as an exacta box and trifecta box involving the three horses. It's 15 total bets, so you multiply whatever your bet is by 15 (hence, a $1 Matrix cpsts $15). It worked out nicely once or twice for me. I highly recommend it for races where there are 2 or 3 clear favorites, since you can hit several bets at once. Whoa.

During one of our stints up in Tony's office, we were sitting in his office when someone noticed through the window a group of very nicely dressed people approaching the entrance to the Downs, surrounded by police officers. We ran out onto the balcony when the group was about 15 feet from their private entrance. There was some confusion amongst the balcony dwellers as to who it might be, until I astutely exclaimed, "That's Prince fucking Charles!" Unfortunately he was inside before I could get my phone out of my pocket to take a picture. A couple others went inside and saw him pass through another courtyard. So that was pretty cool.

After the tenth race, no one had lost a lot of money, nor had anyone won a lot of money, so most of us felt the need to do one or other with the Derby. Obviously the Derby itself brings more betting (even though it's usually the most wide-open race of the day, with by far the most number of horses). Four of us decided to pool some money to do a long-shot show pool. I collected $12 from each and put show bets on the six horses with the worst odds. Of course, I managed to screw it up by only putting $2 down on each horse instead of $8. This would come back to bite me in the arse.

After placing our bets upstairs, we headed down to our seats, some people sang about their old homes in Kentucky, and then it was Derby time.
As I'm sure you know by now, a 50-1 shot by the name of Mine That Bird won the Derby by 6 3/4 lengths -- the largest margin of victory at the Derby since Triple Crown winner Assault won it in 1946. The four of us in the long-shot pool were pretty excited, since the show bet on Mine That Bird paid $25.80 on a $2 bet. When I cashed it in, I realized that I had failed to put $8 on it, as I was supposed to have done, which would have given us $25.80 each. Instead, I had to explain to the others that they would be getting $6.45 each, plus whatever they put in that I failed to bet. The doctors say that my broken knees should heal sometime before August.

In retrospect, I really should have gone with a winning $2 trifecta bet, which would have netted me over $41,000. That is unbelievable. Oh well. Next year.

After the Derby, we didn't stick around for the last two races, but instead headed back to Tony's house, where we ordered some Papa John's. God, how I've missed that garlic sauce. How Papa John's hasn't put a franchise in the city of Chicago is criminal. Who wants to go in with me on one?

We also played some Wii, including Game Party 2, which I had never played before, but have since purchased. Darts, jarts, horseshoes, bar bowling, bar shuffleboard, trivia, skeeball, beer pong, and more, all in one game. Not bad.

To celebrate, I went to Fogo de Chão, tonight and will be going again Wednesday because, frankly, I don't get the meat sweats often enough these days. As I said after my only previous visit, I assume this is what Henry VIII felt like all the time.