Midwestern Eavesdropping - 5/21/09

Middle school teacher from Connecticut: "I had a girl in my class that shit in a piano."
--Louisville, Churchill Downs
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Dude at bar: "If Grant bought cigs, I will suck his dick under the table."
--Chicago, some bar
Eavesdropper: BD


Sixtysomething female, after opening a Mother's Day card from her son and daughter-in-law and seeing a sonogram, thus realizing she is going to be a grandmother for the first time: "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Are you kidding me?! Is this yours?"
--LaGrange, IL
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Twentysomething female: "My underwear was about to come out of my mouth it was so far up there."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian


Thirtysomething male after eating at Fogo de Chao: "I'm gonna take some Tylenol PM when I get home, and I might actually shit my bed tonight."
--Chicago, Fogo de Chao, 661 N. LaSalle
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Twentysomething female referring to Biggest Loser contestant: "It's kind of like a ridgeback, but he has a vag-back."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian


Thirtysomething male discussing the bar The Liars Club: "It's where a girl told me Derek Jeter got her pregnant as a way to pick me up."
--Chicago, Hidden Shamrock, Halsted & Diversey
Eavesdropper: GMYH


One West Side elementary school teacher to another: "I'll G-Chat the shit out of you."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian


Thirtysomething dude: "I gotta wash my hands to do this beef. That didn't sound right."
--Chicago, State & Ontario
Eavesdropper: GMYH


Thanks to those who contributed. For the remaining 6,781,199,165 of you, for shame. When you overhear something funny or something that can be taken out of context, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next Midwestern Eavesdropping.