Midwestern Eavesdropping - 6/25/09

I went a week too long on posting MWE, so there is a plethora of goodness.

Brand new high school grad wearing National Honor Society sash: "Sometimes the 4-wheeler and I don't get along with trees."
--Huntington, IN, Huntington North High School
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething pregnant female talking about her dog: "I just puked him up. I didn't have to push him out of my vagina."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Drunk fortysomething dude: "I love my daughter to death, but I don't really like her."
--Chicago, Tilli's, Halsted & Armitage
Eavesdropper: Can Can

Guy to his fiancé, about their dog: "She's the perfect dog for you, 'cause she's not so graceful."-Somewhere in Ohio on I-75
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Some dude: "I lost sixty pounds in college eating only Big Montanas."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Tron

Male Attorney: "One of the admins at my office tried to set me up with one of our clerks but I had to nix that."Female law student: "Why?"Male Attorney: "She's a little unstable. I figure we would hook up and she would sue me for sexual harassment."Female law student: "That's bullshit. You should've just fucked her."--Chicago, Northside Bar, North & Damen
Eavesdropper: RobD

Tourist: "Chicago is a much cleaner city than Philly. Philly is just a dirty city."
--Chicago, Michigan Avenue
Eavesdropper: 1/2 Pint

Dude: "That is an awful lot of head, [Chick]."
Chick: "That's what I do." -
--Chicago, Mitch's, August & Leavitt
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Dude: "I gleeked on a bald guy's head in church."
--Columbus, OH
Eavesdropper: Tron

Dude at a restaurant: "They had to stop because these women were getting dolphin-raped."
--Columbus, OH, Thurman's
Eavesdroppers: Tron, Magdog, and GMYH

Twentysomething female attorney: "You know who the defense is?"Friend: "No, who?"Female attorney: "Lord Bissell. So he's a little nervous."Friend: "Yeah, they'll have lots of resources to fight him."Female attorney: "Plus they fired him 2 years ago for sexual harassment."--Chicago, Astor & Banks
Eavesdropper: RobD

Chick at restaurant: "I wish I could remember the bathroom conversation. I had to push it out. It was so dumb."
--Columbus, OH, Thurman's
Eavesdroppers: Tron, Blonder, and GMYH

Twentysomething pregnant chick to girl about to get married: "I want to see a fetus in your wedding dress."
--Cincinnati
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Fiftysomething doorwoman on phone: "Tell that monkey faced beanie head to stop talkin to you, you don't need his deadbeat ass around no mo--(looking up at office worker and putting phone on shoulder)--can I help you, sir?--Chicago, Civic Opera building, 20 N. Wacker
Eavesdropper: RobD

Chick walking down sidewalk talking to friends: "I've been to a swingers club, but at least I have standards."--Chicago, Waveland and Fremont
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Drunk girl on L after Cubs game: "I hate Sammy Sosa. He did roofies."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Tron

Twentysomething female to dude, night before a wedding: "Nobody can blow their wad tonight, it's all for tomorrow."
--Cincinnati
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Female Cubs fan in early evening walking on sidewalk talking on cell phone: "You know how I sound drunker than I am?"
--Chicago, Fullerton & Sheffield
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Fiftysomething heavyset male at a street festival: "It smells good over here, but not for long. I just dropped one."--Chicago, Taste of Randolph
Eavesdropper: Can Can

Chick: "Cat, are you having fun being nestled in my vagina?"
--Unknown
Eavesdropper: Anonymous

Twentysomething pregnant chick: "The only people that hate babies more than hipsters are librarians."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Guy talking about a girl: "She's the one that fell down the escalator."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Tron

An actual line from a song on the radio: "Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips."
--Chicago, a cab
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks to the many who contributed. As always, when you overhear something funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next Midwestern Eavesdropping.