Midwestern Eavesdropping - 6/4/09

I'm too lazy to color-code it this week.

Slow-moving homeless man crossing street under his breath to woman driving a car: "Suck my dick, pussy wax."
--Chicago, Franklin and Washington
Eavesdropper: GMYH

One shirtless guy drinkin Natty Ice to another: "Dude, you gotta put her in her place now and say, 'Woman, I'm at the track, go bake something.' If she doesn't learn now, once you're married, you're fucked.
--Indianapolis, Indianapolis Motor Speedway
Eavesdropper: AlyK

Husband and wife talking to each other on rush hour train:
Husband: "Do you ever go on that website Texts From Last Night?"
Wife: "No"
Husband: "It's pretty funny -- often laugh-out-loud funny."
Wife (ignoring Husband, leaning towards window looking at field): "Gotta find a rabbit."
Husband: "What?"
Wife: "I look for them every day. It's the highlight of my train ride."
--Chicago, Brown Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

"I feel like I have a girdle on right now. Don't take a picture of my penis."
--Indianapolis, a bar
Eavesdropper: AlyK

Drunk guy #1: "What's up with that Mexican chick?"
Drunk guy #2: "Dude, she's Jewish."
--Chicago, LaBamba, Halsted & Wrightwood
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Normal woman: "So, Andrew's wife is having a baby."
Hammered random chick sitting at same table: "There's nothing like a great orgasm."
--Chicago, Brownstone Tavern, Lincoln & Larchmont
Eavesdropper: Spring

Dude drinking at 9:15 a.m. before the Indy 500: "Never too start to early."
--Indianapolis, American Legion parking lot
Eavesdropper: GMYH

While Florence Henderson is singing "God Bless America" before the Indy 500, a drunk man angrily yells: "Pick a key!"
--Indianapolis, Indianapolis Motor Speedway
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Chick at a wedding: "I am cleaving out of it right now."
--somewhere in Michigan
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Drunk chick to a guy she knows, while walking into a bar: "Am I a sexual type? NO!"
--Chicago, Sheffield & Barry
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Random chick at a street festival: "I'm not sure, but I really like my new dildo."
--Chicago, MayFest
Eaavesdropper: Gregerson

Pregnant woman walking down a crowded street in Bucktown: "I think hipsters make fun of pregnant women, so I gotta hide my belly."
--Chicago, Damen & North
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Fourth grade teacher: "Who's in charge of water? Zeus?"
--Chicago, MayFest
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Twentysomething female at a BBQ: "I'm constantly grabbing Kim's boobs because she has hair on them."
--Chicago, Bell & Belle Plaine
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Fourth grade teacher, looking at a sign that said "Puggy Toes": "Does that not look like 'Pussy Joes' everyone?"
--Chicago, MayFest
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Pakistani cab driver and customer have a discussion about Pakistani food:
Cabbie: "Do you like bran?
Customer: "What?"
Cabbie (pointing to his head): "BRAN."
Customer: "I, uh--"
Cabbie: "You ever had bran?"
Customer: "No, I haven't."
Cabbie: "I love bran. Bran is very good. I can eat a lot of bran."
--Chicago, somewhere on Columbus Ave.
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks to everyone who contributed. Yadda yadda yadda, gmyhblog@yahoo.com.