Well, I went to Vegas this weekend for my brother's bachelor party. We arrived Friday morning and departed Sunday afternoon. Here is a numerical summary of the weekend:
Guys who went: 15
Hours I was in Vegas: 54
Hours I spent outdoors: less than 1
Hours of sleep I got: 7
Hours of sleep I got after 11 a.m. Saturday: 0
Times over the course of the weekend when, according to one article, I lessened my pain: 431
Times during the weekend I stayed up for more than 24 hours in a row: 2
Meals consumed over the course of the weekend: 5?
Approximate time on Saturday when I arrived at a Tropicana craps table: 10:30 p.m.
Approximate time on Sunday when I left that same craps table: 11:00 a.m.
Times I said "Let's go, shooter" or "Here we go, shooter" during that time span: 391
Strangers whose hands I slapped five during that time span: 17
Strangers who played craps with me at some point relatively early during that span who asked "holy shit, you're still here?" after they had gone to bed and then walked by the table in the morning: 6
Times I won $500 on a $2.50 bet on the plastic ponies at the MGM: 0
Times I was shot at: 0
Times I played Let It Ride: 6
Times I shouldn't have played Let It Ride: 5
Money won on craps over the course of the weekend: approximately $200
Money won on blackjack over course of the weekend: approximately $500
Money lost on all other games and/or spent over the course of the weekend: more than $700
Times I accused dealers of stealing my chips: 49
Times I audibly hissed at dealers: 16
Times I accused dealers of malfeasance: 12
Dealers who were dirty fucking vampire whores: 0
Times I accused dealers of being "a dirty fucking vampire whore": 1
Times I accused whores of being "a dirty fucking vampire dealer": 3
Times I went to the Hooters Casino: 1
Dealers at the Hooters Casino who knew what the fuck they were doing: 0
Times I will ever again go to the Hooters Casino: 0
Guys who purchased Las Vegas t-shirt dresses: 2
Guys who rented Rascals: 3
Elevators at The Mirage temporarily forced out of service due to a Rascal: 1
Rascals driven from the Strip to Spearmint Rhino: 3
Times I shook Mike Tyson's hand at Spearmint Rhino: 1
Times Mike Tyson said it was nice to meet me: 1
Times I was scared: 1
Total number of Iron Mikes I've met in gentlemen's clubs in my life: 2
Times the bachelor puked out of a limo: 1
Drinks I paid for over the course of the weekend: 5
Drinks I consumed over the course of the weekend: more than 5
Chicks I saw who were wearing fedoras: 519
Boobs: 23,401
Ed Hardy shirts: 4,873
D-bags: 4,873
Flip flops broken in: 2
Feet with open wounds: 2
Degree of cigarette burn on my finger: 2
Bruises on my left hand whose origins are unknown: 1
Times I questioned my own mortality: 6
Times I questioned my questioning of my own mortality: 273
Times I asked myself, "What the fuck am I doing?": 27
Times I asked myself, "Is this a new low?": 4
Years I took off my life: 2
Times had: good
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1 comment:
Number of times you called the wrong person at 5 a.m. CDT accosting them to meet you at an El stop: 3
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