Giving Up

So today is Ash Wednesday. Lent kind of snuck up on me this year, which is odd because it started much later than it usually does. Maybe I figured it forgot about me. It didn't.

Because of some irrational fear of a sky deity, like I do every year, I'm giving up something for Lent, even though I pretty much don't do anything else the entire year that can be construed as Catholic. A Facebook friend said, "This year for Lent, I'm giving up." I thought that was pretty funny, and I wish I could do that – just sit on my couch for the next 40 days, watching movies, playing Wii, ordering pizzas, and running through Depends like Bo Jackson through Brian Bosworth. It's what Jesus would have wanted. But due to the need to pay for things, I'm not going to just give up. Plus, it would probably really weird the nanny out.

Here's what I'm giving up for Lent this year:
-red meat
-fried foods
-fame
-K2
-Zoroastrianism
-retiring from the NFL
-letting some dude wipe ashes all over my forehead
-committing major NCAA infractions
-hoping for a White Stripes reunion
-celibacy
-my vacation home in Tripoli
-poaching (pandas only)
-my jug band, Blow Me
-grifting
-my dream of owning The Vu
-filling out less than 20 brackets
-keeping my wife unpregnant