Midwestern Eavesdropping - 3/23/11

It's been a while, so here you go.

Fiftysomething black woman to co-worker: "This has been the longest day of my life (pause) since I've been black."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

A slightly aloof nurse at a restaurant: "What kind of cheese is on the ham and Swiss?"
--Phoenix
Eavesdropper: Yehday

Thirtysomething female: "I bought Snow White on Blu-ray. It's fucking awesome."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Tron

Thirtysomething unemployed female at a bar: "I think I do like the devil. I'm going to start learning more about him."
--Indianapolis
Eavesdropper: Kazda

Girlfriend: "I watched way too much porn today. I looked up and was like what the fuck -- I've been watching this for 3 hours."
Boyfriend: "Alright, let's go home now!"
--Durham, NC
Eavesdropper: Flounder

Clearly drunk fiftysomthing man to table of fellow fiftysomething men, very loudly in crowded restaurant: "I'm not gonna fuck her, I'm just going to shove my cock down her throat."
--Chicago, Mayan Palace, Halsted & Schubert
Eavesdropper: Trashton

20 something teacher: Your wife said she's so drunk that you can put it in her butt tonight. 30 something stay-at-home dad: Listen, when I'm behind her, I make the decision on which hole I choose, not her.
--Chicago, Mitch's, Augusta & Leavitt
Eavesdropper: Apollo Creed

Twentysomething female with two masters degrees: "Are mussels the ones that look like little vaginas or are those clams?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Guy outside bar as friend walks up: "Dude, you gotta get in here. My girlfriend's crying again."
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: Gregerson

Chick smoking outside of bar: "I didn't have sex with him in the month of March, so it can't possibly be his."
--Chicago, Four Shadows, Ashland & Diversey
Eavesdropper: RDC

Thirtysomething guy describing thirtysomething friend: "We put him in a cab to Irving Park and Western. Turns out he went to LaGrange."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thirtysomething non-homeless woman: "I just stole a hot dog."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Tron

Guy at bar: "The only reason I fucked his girlfriend was 'cause I thought he was gay."
--Dayton, OH, Tumbleweed Connection
Eavesdropper: Flounder

Guy #1: "So are there going to be any single girls at your wedding"
Guy #2: "Yeah. (Pause) There might be a couple widows."
Guy #1: "I am not opposed to that."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Husband: "Where in Europe is Sweden?"
Wife, with two masters degrees: "Isn't it in the Alps?"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Female bartender: "I'm a girl. I'd rather fuck than watch sports."
--Dayton, OH, Tumbleweed Connection
Eavesdropper: Flounder

Guy, watching footage of Japanese tsunami: "Where's Godzilla?"
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Drunk guy: "I'm not drunk, but I see one of you -- and everyone else."
--Chicago
Eavedropper: Tron

Twentysomething female: "I love cock-docking. It's my favorite pastime."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Guy in bar: "It's 9:39. Hitler would be in heaven right now."
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thirtysomething female: "I haven't heard about analingus since I was 13."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thanks to everyone who contributed. Keep up the good work. And remember, whenever you overhear something funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next hilarious edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.