On the third of July, I attended a social gathering. Several hours before drinking Night Train while listening to "Nightrain," I was talking to a couple friends, debating which nearby buildings we thought we could hit with a baseball. As is often the case, the conversation turned to defecation in the workplace. The Brothers Weeser* (minus Greg and Dan, expectedly), aka Creature, had two of the funnier stories I've heard about dumping in the company well.
The first happened several years ago when he worked at a very nice restaurant that has since retired. The men's room was a one-man operation. Creature opened the unfortunately unlocked door to see one of the servers sitting on the pot buck naked. His clothes and shoes were in a pile on the floor. The Full Monty. I found that odd, but not as odd as the other story he told.
The other one occurred more recently at a very nice restaurant where Creature currently works. The men's room there is also a one-man operation. One of Creature's co-workers opened the door and walked in on The Gargoyle. The man who was apparently pooping was perched on top of the toilet seat, squatting, with his arms outstretched, bracing himself with both walls. Presumably, he had taken off his pants and any undergarment, or else things not only would have been far too weird and gothic, but also very much covered in feces.
I think the moral of these stories -- other than stop being psycho -- is to lock the bathroom door.
All of this shit talk got me thinking about other comical positions that I'd like to hear about people walking in on, but never actually see myself:
The Karate Kid
The Raj
The Chuck Berry
The Parallel Bars
And last but not least, the most difficult and dangerous of them all, The Keg Stand
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