I meant to post this last night, but things got away from me. My friend and confidante Holt send me a link to all-too-common and tragic story of a woman who recently died after having sex with a dog because she apparently had a severe allergic reaction to the dog's semen. Let this be a lesson to everyone out there to head to your allergist before engaging in buggery. Also, maybe you shouldn't be engaging in buggery.
But this got me thinking about the best bestiality songs. Sure, not all of these explicitly contemplate having intercourse with non-humans, but they don't have to. Here they are in no particular order.
1. "Animal (F**k Like a Beast)" by W.A.S.P.
"I come 'round, 'round I come feel your love (like an animal!)." The poster child of the PMRC's "Filthy Fifteen," I can see why this song would scare the shit out of Tipper Gore. This song has one of the greatest pre-chorus lines when Blackie Lawless screams "I fuck like a beast."
2. "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails
One of the creepiest lyrics of all time is "I want to fuck you like an animal / I want to feel you from the inside."
3. "Atomic Dog" by George Clinton
"Nothin' but the dog in me" can take on a very disturbing connotation.
4. "Cat Scratch Fever" by Ted Nugent
"I can make the pussy purr with the stroke of my hand." You know, come to think of it, I'm not so sure he was talking about a cat.
5. "Animal" by Def Leppard
"And I want / And I need / And I lust / Animal."
6 (tie). "Walkin' the Dog" by Rufus Thomas and "Do the Funky Chicken" by Rufus Thomas
"If you don't know how to do it / I'll show you how to walk the dog." I suppose. Also, doing any chicken would seem to be tough, especially a funky one.
7. "Mandy" by Barry Manilow
If it's about a dog, then the line "you kissed me and stopped me from shaking" is troubling.
8. "Givin' the Dog a Bone" by AC/DC
This one's pretty self-explanatory.
9. "Monkey" by George Michael
"Why do I have to share my baby with a monkey?" I don't have an answer to that question.
10. "Honey Bee" by Tom Petty
"I'm a man in a trance / I'm a boy in short pants / When I see my honey bee." The logistics of having sex with a bee would seem to outweigh any benefits. Then again, Tom Petty usually knows what he's talking about. I just hope he has an epi pen nearby.
Any songs I'm missing, freaks?
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About a year late here, but I'm writing about Guadalcanal Diary over at my site and their song, "Cattle Prod," is about a farmer who loves his cows a little too much.
Thank you for the list. Going to link it!
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