Tuesday, December 18, 2012

PU, Indeed

I've always believed Purdue University sucks ass.  In the past few years, there has been mounting evidence to suggest that, not only am I right, but Purdue also has a fascination with that which the ass pushes out.  That's right, Purdue has acute fecalphelia.  First, there was the story about how Purdue students sniff manure for $30.  Second, there was the story about how West Lafayette -- the kind of fetid, post-apocalyptic wasteland not even Cormac McCarthy would put in his novels -- bought a giant fan to ward off the stench of human waste, presumably coming from the only university in town with an animal husbandry emphasis.  

What's that idiom?  One is an example, two is a coincidence, but three is a trend?  Well now, there is a wonderfully strange and hilarious story involving a Purdue grad named Gregg Greaves who was, presumably until recently, gainfully employed at Pepsi, presumably as an engineer of some sort (since that's what these mongrels generally are).  If the accounts of eyewitnesses can be believed, Mr. Greaves was in the bathroom at a Purdue bar here in Chicago called Red Ivy (which sucks, by the way) when he broke a beer bottle and attacked a fellow patron, stabbing the guy in the neck a few times.  That's when things took a turn for the bizarre.  He was arrested and then taken to jail, where he refused to wear pants and then shit in his own hands and threw it on the floor.  Here are links to the Chicago Tribune and Busted Coverage articles about the incident (thanks to Pissed Off for the links).  The best part is that Mr. Greaves's lawyer had the balls to say, "All I've got to tell you is there's two sides to it."  Perhaps he meant "number two," with a wink and a nod.

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