Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Tuesday Top Ten: 17 Times The Internet Nailed What It's Like Being a Scorpio

As you likely know, last Friday the moon (or is it the sun?) passed into Scorpio, starting the annual one-month reign of the greatest zodiac sign.  Brilliant, independent, sexually insatiable, intense, loyal, and vengeful, we Scorpios are often tough nuts to crack, and we like it that way.  We play things close to the vest and don't tend to divulge too much information about what we're thinking.  Believe you me, no one wants to know what I'm thinking, and for the most part, I'm sure as shit not going to tell you what's on my mind, even when it appears I am.

My lovely wife always gets mad at me because, at concerts, it's not unusual for me to just stand there relatively emotionless for most of the show.  Then, at the end of the show, she will assume I hated the show and can't believe it when I tell her I thought it was "the bees' knees, doll."  Sometimes when I'm drunk I talk like a '20s jazz man, but that's beside the point.  The point is that I don't need to smile, jump around, sing along with every song, or outwardly display any indication of happiness in order to enjoy a concert (or anything else, for that matter).

Scorpios are also known for our tempers.  Over the years, I've gotten much better at controlling mine.  But when a Scorpio explodes, you will feel God's Satan's wrath.  We're not necessarily evil, but Halloween is our holiday, so we understand and appreciate the dark side, and when we want to cut you to the bone, we know exactly where to put the knife –- figuratively, of course.

I like to tell people that, as a Scorpio, I either want to fuck you or kill you.  Again, I mean that figuratively, for the most part.  If I like you, I will make an effort to be your friend, and once you're my friend, barring any unforeseen circumstances, I will consider you my friend forever.  If I don't like you, I will not.  If you have done something to upset me, I will not forget.  If you betray me, you are dead to me.  And you better goddamn well believe that I can hold a grudge long beyond its usefulness.

All of this very useful information is to preface this week's Tuesday Top Ten, which is a Buzzfeed article entitled "17 Times The Internet Nailed What It's Like Being a Scorpio."  (Thanks to RDC for the link.)  It's a pretty solid list of Twitter and Facebook posts/memes that sum up what we Scorpios fell on a daily basis.

So, when you meet a Scorpio, you probably won't get a good read on him or her (even if you think you did), but he or she may turn out to be a friend for life.  Or he or she may kill you.  Either way, Scorpioooooooooo!

No comments: