Map of Metal and Pre-HBF Goodness

Even though I'm going to be in the air (literally, due to the aeroplane, and figuratively, due to the Jacstocy -- my killer punch that combines Jack, Ecto Cooler, and X -- I'm going to be slamming beginning at 5 a.m.), Hair Band Friday will not be tamed for two reasons.

First, Hess sent me a link for a website called Map of Metal. Whoever put this together deserves a Nobel Prize. (I assume they give one out for Metal-Related Web Design now.) Seriously, though, even if you don't like metal, check out the website. It's very impressive. You scroll across a "map of metal," which has links between the various genres of metal and its influences. You can click on any genre and it will give you a description of the genre and allow you to play various songs. My favorite genres (not musically) are Viking metal, funeral doom, and unblack metal (that would be Christian black metal).

Second, as long as there are shirtless Brazilian dudes busting their asses trying (and failing) to cover "Sweet Child O' Mine," there will be Hair Band Friday. (Note: there will also be Hair Band Friday without shirtless Brazilian dudes busting their asses trying to cover "Sweet Child O' Mine.) Thanks to The Weez for the link.

The Golf Boys

With the U.S. Open starting tomorrow, this video is especially poignant. Kudos to Ben Crane, Rickie Fowler, Hunter Mahan, and Bubba Watson, who are not only professional golfers, but also stone cold pimps.

Cell Phones in Flight

I don't have time this week for a Tuesday Top Ten, but here is a link to an interesting and relatively terrifying ABC News video about the dangers of turning on your cell phone on a plane, especially during takeoff or landing.

In other horrifying news (for you, not me), I am out of town this Friday and next Friday, so I am likely not going to be able to post the first ten hair band songs I listen to each of those Fridays. Calm down. Here's what I want you to do in my absence: take a Valium, take another, take another, listen to my Hair Band Friday station on Pandora, down a bottle of Jack, eat some carrots (good for the eyes), get some chicks (or dudes) in your office to take their tops off before they are allowed to enter your office or cubicle, and rock out like you're in a band with an umlaut in the name. I'll be doing the same, just in different locales, and without the carrots.

Drop That Zero and Get With the Hero

J-Diza, this one's for you. I received a Facebook message from The Weez today, sending me an internet link with the subject line "Have You Seen This Series?," which is odd, since I thought it was pretty well-known that all I view online is amputee porn, recaps of Gwar shows, and YouTube videos of dachshunds getting into mischief. Am I to understand that incorrigible little Biscuit got his head in the cereal box again?!

The link is to a long-overdue story entitled "An in-depth breakdown of the Vanilla Ice movie 'Cool As Ice'" (as if there is another Vanilla Ice movie or another movie called Cool As Ice). This movie was featured prominently at my eighth grade birthday party, so it has a special place in my heart. It is also one of the most ridiculous mainstream movies ever made. Slide 16 is all the evidence you need. Enjoy.

Hair Band Friday - 6/10/11

Return of The Darkness?

As you may know, I love the rock and roll. One of my favorite bands from the last decade was The Darkness, a balls-to-the-wall English hard rock band who seemed to be the cheeky love child of Queen and AC/DC. Their debut album, Permission to Land, came in at #16 on my list of my Top 100 favorite albums of the 2000s, and their second album, One Way Ticket to Hell . . . And Back, came in at #45. Their signature song, "I Believe In a Thing Called Love" is my #1 song from the last decade. I absolutely love that song. I've even been known to sing it at live band karaoke as a birthday present for my lovely wife, even if the performance wasn't as great as I'd like to remember.

I had the pleasure of the band in concert in Columbus back in '04, along with Wildhearts, and it was a great show. It was before they had released their second album, and they played a few songs from that album, in addition to every song off of Permission to Land. They seemed like the future of hard arena rock. However, lead singer Justin Hawkins fell into the problems that accompany being a rock star, and decided in 2006 to quit the band for the sake of his health. I was crushed, but I understood.

And then today, I get an email from The Weez with a link to a story that, gulp, reunited. For any of you lucky enough to go to the Download Festival in Donnington (for some reason, I'm assuming I have a lot of British readers), The Darkness is playing tomorrow night before Def Leppard. Damn, that would be one of my dream shows. Apparently, The Darkness played a club show a couple days ago, featuring a couple new songs, "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us" and "Cannonball." The audio isn't great on the clips, but you can tell they still rock. I'm hoping this means a new album is in the works (and, of course, the resulting US tour).

Here are the Darkness songs I could find on Playlist.com:

New Book: Clapton by Eric Clapton

I finished Runaway Dream: Born to Run and Bruce Springsteen's American Vision by Louis P. Masur, a nice little book about Springsteen's seminal album Born to Run, its reception, and its impact on music and Springsteen's career. I enjoyed the book, but I think it's definitely a book geared more towards fans of the album and/or fans of Springsteen than casual fans.

I have since started reading Clapton by Eric Clapton. It's about a guy named Clapton and his merry adventures in or around London and such. But seriously, so far it's great. It's a quick read, despite relatively small font. I'm up to Derek & The Dominos, which, as you may know, put out my favorite album of all time.

Books read in 2011:
Life by Keith Richards
Delta Blues: The Life and Times of the Mississippi Masters Who Revolutionized American Music by Ted Gioia
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
The Devil We Know: Dealing With the New Iranian Superpower by Robert Baer
Riders on the Storm: My Life with Jim Morrison and The Doors by John Densmore

The Butcher: Anatomy of a Mafia Psychopath by Philip Carlo

Runaway Dream: Born to Run and Bruce Springsteen's American Vision by Louis P. Masur

Tuesday Top Ten: More Questions I Struggle With on a Daily Basis

In November 2009 and May 2010, I posted a couple Tuesday Top Tens with questions I struggle with on a daily basis (click here for post 1, post 2, and post 3). I think it's good to question everything, so I do, mostly in my head and occasionally to people walking down the street. So anyway, here are ten more questions I struggle with on a daily basis.

10. If I had to give up watching sports or listening to music forever, what would I choose?

9. Do dogs get Alzheimer's? How can you tell?

8. Do wire hangers have insane amounts of unprotected sex? If not, I have no explanation for where they all came from.

7. Is it hypocritical for a pro-lifer to eat eggs?

6. What's with ear plugs? More importantly, what happens when someone with ear plugs decides to take them out? Presumably, it's not followed by a job offer at, well, anywhere. I have nothing against ear plugs as a form of social expression, but I think it's a bold choice with certain irreversible consequences.

5. Can there ever be another Beatles?

4. It's 95 degrees. How can you possibly be wearing a hoodie and Uggs?

3. Are people oblivious to how obnoxious they are or are people just assholes? Do people really think everyone on the train wants to listen to their iPods? Or do they just not realize that everyone on the train can hear every word coming from their headphones? And what's with the house music? It's eight o'clock in the fucking morning.

2. What in God's name did people do at work before computers or the internet? Did they actually do work all day? Or was that why people drank at work, Mad Men style? I have to assume the invention of the internet has cut down on intraoffice interaction and romance.

1. Who the fuck is stealing my socks?

If you know the answers to any of these questions, please respond.

Hair Band Friday - 6/3/11

McCartney Does Holly

On June 28, a Buddy Holly tribute album will be released, featuring the likes of Lou Reed, Graham Nash, The Black Keys, Patti Smith, Cee Lo Green, Kid Rock, My Morning Jacket, Modest Mouse, and many others, most importantly Paul McCartney. It's no secret that Buddy Holly and The Crickets were a huge influence on The Beatles. Hell, the name of the band is an homage to The Crickets. And one (that "one" being me) can assume the "wings" in Wings were cricket wings, assuming crickets have wings. Anyway, on the album McCartney covers "It's So Easy" (which is not in any way similar or related to the Guns N' Roses song of the same name). McCartney's version of the song is fuzzy, raunchy, and, as the Rolling Stone review says, "awesomely batshit." Here's a link to listen to the song. It's pretty sweet. Thanks to Bonham for the links.