Classic SBTB

As you should know by now, I watch Saved By The Bell every morning before work (it's on from 7-9 EST on TBS). This morning's episode was a great one (like it's possible for there to be a bad one). It was from the "Good Morning Miss Bliss" years, when the gang was in junior high and lived in Indianapolis.*

This morning's 7:30 episode featured a new kid at JFK Jr. High: Deke Simmons. Deke is a bully who, as bullies are known to do, likes to pick on nerds. Ironically, he looked like a young Ted McGinley. But I disgress. Deke had an instant hatred of Screech and would stop at nothing to pummel him. Screech tells everyone else to stop trying to protect him and just let him get his whoopin'. So Deke eventually takes Screech into a boys' bathroom where both of their expectations were that Screech would reemerge in a bodybag. Here's how the climactic scene went down (the lines are approximate):

Screech (backing into a corner): Let's get this over with. I have a trick knee and I just had some dental work done, so watch the legs and my mouth.
Deke: You're weird.
Screech (approaching Deke): Oh great. It's bad enough that you're gonna beat me up, but now you have to insult me. What do you know about weird?
Deke: I know plenty.
Screech: Yeah right.
Deke (half yelling): I don't know how to read.
Screech: Oh.
Deke (confused): No no. Here's the part where you laugh at me because I can't read and then I beat you up. Why aren't you laughing?
Screech: Because it's not funny.

Deke then lets Screech go. Pure comedic genius. If there's one thing bullies in my school always did during a fight, it was admit serious intellectual and emotional vulnerabilities. What an idiot. No wonder he couldn't read.

*For the three of you unfamiliar with Saved By The Bell's history, the show started as "Good Morning Miss Bliss," starring Hayley Mills (of Parent Trap fame) as Miss Bliss, an 8th-grade teacher at JFK Jr. High in suburban Indianapolis. After one year, it changed to "Saved By The Bell," and Zack, Screech, Lisa, and Mr. Belding inexplicably move to Bayside High and never once mention living in Indiana. In fact, they act as if they've lived in Bayside their whole lives. Zack acts as if he's always lived next door to Jessie Spano, even though she never lived in Indiana or showed up at JFK Jr. High. In Indiana, Zack's parents are divorced and his dad (who is much more homely than the Mr. Morris we know and love in Bayside) tries to date Miss Bliss. In California, Zack's parents are married, and there is no mention of any infidelity with any of Zack's midwestern junior high teachers. More importantly, in Indiana, Zack's dad's name is Peter Morris, but in California, it's Derek Morris. They never attempt to explain all of these inconsistencies, but I'll bet it has something to do with Scientology.