OC Can You See?

Dearest GMYH readers, I apologize for the fact that I have not had a The OC update in a while. With the NCAA tournament and a raging meth addiction, I've been tied up (both figuratively and literally). But last night, I finally had time to sit down and watch the episodes I missed. On a related note, DVRs rule.

Before getting into my unnecessarily lengthy diatribe about the past few episodes, I would like to note that I have finally had a chance to confirm the rumor that Marissa Cooper did in fact eat during Episode #69 (hell yeah!). What did she eat, you ask? She reached into a box of cereal, pulling out approximately one piece of cereal, and forced it down her throat. This means that Holt "Your Fire" Hedrick is the winner of the ridiculously awesome OC When Will Marissa Eat? Pool. As the Grand Prize Winner, Mr. Hedrick will have his choice of one of the following two items: (1) a Free Marissa t-shirt from http://www.freemarissatshirt.com/; OR (2) an OC shirt from CafePress.com of his choosing, not to exceed $25 (excluding tax and shipping). Rest assured, this is truly a great day for him, especially considering the fact that he was forced to watch all 3 Final Four games in person.

On to more important things, here is a brief summary of where we're at in the show:

1. Marissa and Ryan broke up. I couldn't date someone whose body rejected food either.
2. Ryan starts dating the mustached Sadie. Just when Sadie was about to leave to go back to Oregon (or wherever it is that mustached hippie chicks come from), Marissa of all people stops her and tells her that Ryan wants her to stay. Unfortunately, Sadie stays.
3. Volchok and Marissa have for some reason become fuck buddies. In an unnecessarily graphic scene (shown to the right), Volchok shows up at Marissa's trailer and they go at it like Mama Cass to a ham sandwich (too soon?). You may remember Volchok as the son of a bitch who Ryan nearly gutted with a wine bottle, who looks like Gonzaga guard Derek Raivio, but with more tattoos and facial hair and with less of a chance to win a Sinead O'Connor lookalike contest.
4. Saucy tart Jess has returned, alleging that she has changed her whorrific ways. I don't believe her for a second, since she's a woman and all. Apparently Ryan thinks it's a good idea to protect her from her ex-boyfriend (not his brother Trey--he's dealing blackjack in Vegas off the strip). Since Ryan Atwood has no bad ideas, this was a good choice. Unfortunately he stopped short of murder when Jess's boyfriend showed up at a party. Before bludgeoning the guy's face to the point of unrecognizability, Ryan stopped and realized that it wasn't his problem, proving once again that the only thing that can stop Ryan Atwood is Ryan Atwood himself.
5. Like most high school kids, Seth and Summer are suffering from a lack of libido. I know when I was a teenager, the last thing on my mind was having sex with my hot girlfriend (if such a person had existed). Don't worry, though, they get over it and do what high school kids should be doing: tantric sex.
6. We furthered our suspicions that Taylor Townsend is a tigress in the sack. Not because she did anything or anyone, but because she had the foresight to teach Seth about the Kama Sutra to cure his ailing teenage libido.
7. Summer's dad and Julie Cooper are engaged. Blah blah blah.
8. In a situation that could never be awkward, Kirsten takes Seth to her AA meeting. Thanks Mom.
9. Sandy is forced to fire Matt (aka Pat Bateman) in order for the Newport Group's deal to go through with the hospital. Some dude (Dr. Griffin) orders Matt to be beat up so he won't talk shit about Griffin or the hospital. Rather pedestrian storyline at the moment, but it's waiting to explode in magnificent fashion all over all of our faces.
10. Volchok goads Marissa into trying some cocaine. This is certain to be a bad idea, given that even one snort will give Marissa's body nearly 600 times the calories her body is used to consuming in a day.

What's left for the rest of the season, you ask? Here are the questions we hope are resolved in the next few episodes:

1. Where will the kids go to college? My guess is that either Summer or Seth got into Brown, but not both. Hence, everyone stays in the OC and commutes to USC, UCLA, Pepperdine, or one of the other 7000 schools in the Los Angeles area, including the fictional Cal U., whose graduates include Brandon Walsh, Steve Sanders, Albert Clifford Slater, Zachery Morris, and Samuel "Screech" Powers.
2. Will Nat come back to manage the Peach Pit? Oops, sorry, wrong southern California teen dramedy.
3. Will Sandy turn down the hospital deal and side with Matt against the increasingly shady Dr. Griffin? If so, will they enlist Ryan's help to destroy Griffin's evil henchmen?
4. How much longer is Marissa going to go slumming with Volchok? Sure, he's got tattoos, a seemingly unlimited supply of coke, abs of steel, a fragile ego, and--oh wait, that's me.
5. Will Ryan finally kill Sadie? I know there's been nothing to indicate that this is a possibility, but with McG and Josh Schwartz at the helm, anything can happen. Anything.
6. When will Teresa show up with Ryan's kid? And how much in back child support will Ryan owe? In order to support his out-of-wedlock child, will he bypass college to fulfill his previous dream of working as a commercial fisherman?
7. Now that Marissa has eaten a piece of cereal, when will she force herself to puke it back up? My guess is that it already happened. Right after the camera cut away from her eating it.