Midwestern Eavesdropping - 5/25/06

Here you go:

Well-dressed fortysomething black woman on her cell phone: You came all the way over here with those grapes. Don't nobody need no damn grapes. You and your grapes can get outta here.
--Chicago, Wendy's near Clark & Madison
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Emo-girl: I'm just like totally amazed by how many people are out there. I mean, look down there. Look at all the people.
Stank homeless guy with cane: All I see is pussy, sweetheart.
--Chicago, Brown Line train
Eavesdropper: RobD

Late teens/early 20s stoner: I am a bastion of Republican motherhood.
--Chicago, crowded Purple Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

This was a conversation between "Chach McGee," who made it known that he was a law clerk at a small plaintiffs firm in Chicago. He was talking to an old female friend who was a roommate of another friend's ex-girlfriend (as told by Chach to his cute blonde friend after she got off the train). They were talking with outside voices, and there were about 3 people between them:
Chach: Yeah, Dave finally got his bed wetting problem fixed.
Trixie in training: How are him and Kristen?
Chach: They broke up. They would be doing so well, and then they would have a great evening together, but then they would wake up in the morning and he would have pissed all over her. I think she had enough of that.
Trixie in training: Geezzz, that's too bad. They were so compatible. They had that natural chemistry, you know?
--Chicago, rush hour Red Line train "packed tighter than the Japanese public transit lines"
Eavesropper: LaserBeak

CTA announcer: This is a Purple Line express.
Pasty college-age chick: Express? Does that mean it takes you right to your door?
College-age stoner guy (somewhat seriously): Only if you're totally stoned.
Chick: Oh, then I guess it won't.
--Chicago, crowded Purple Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

These are random snippets from a conversation between two fratty college guys heading home on the train, presumably after a class they had together:
Guy #1 (talking about another guy in their class who apparently is not a good communicator): On paper, he's really smart, but socially, he can't seem to put his thoughts -- uh, you know, communic -- uh, get his points acr -- uh, you know, it's like he can't say what he, uh, you know.
. . . .
Guy #1: You should never put your GPA on a your resume. Employers don't really care about it. Like, my girlfriend does because she got a 3.9 at U of I and was in the honors program and shit, but she can get away with it because it's good. I would never put mine on my resume.
. . . .
Guy #1 (discussing the fact that he had to take a class over because he got a D the first time): Getting that A was like lifting the fucking elephant off my chest, you know.
. . . .
Guy #2: You have to tailor your papers to different professors, like one professor I have is in the women's studies department, so you know, I have to, like, dumb it down.
--Chicago, an excruciating ride on a Purple Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

This isn't really eavesdropping, but it's entertaining nonetheless:
Sign held by a guy standing outside a movie theater: "The DaVinci Code Hurts Our Lord Jesus Christ"
--Indianapolis, in front of the Regal Cinema
Eavesdropper: Drini

Career woman on cell phone: I mean is it really that much to ask? I wanted Louis Vuitton.
Fat homeless guy: Happy fucking Wednesday, everybody, happpppy fucking Wednesday.
Career woman on cell phone: No it’s some street urchin cussing everyone good morning
Fat homeless guy: Uppity fucking bitch, everybody, uppity fucking bitchhhh
Career woman on cell phone: Who cares? Something about upchucking in a ditch. Would you stop interrupting?
--Chicago, Washington & Wells
Eavesdropper: RobD

This isn't funny by any means, but it was pretty damned refreshing to hear:
Attractive twentysomething girl answers cell phone: "Hi, I'm on the train, I'll call you back."
--Chicago, crowded rush hour Brown Line train. It's people unlike her that make Midwestern Eavesropping a possbility.
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething woman talking on cell phone, going in between English and Polish, contradicting herself with each sentence: Yeah, I met him like 16 years ago. I didn't even know he existed until now. I've heard from a bunch of people that he's a fun guy to hang out with.
--Chicago, Purple Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

To everyone who contributed, thanks and keep up the good work! For everyone else, keep those meddling ears open, and if you hear something funny, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next Midwestern Eavesdropping. I'm expecting some contributions from the loyal GMYH readers in Dayton and Cincy.