Twentysomething female at a bar discussing the fact that the temperature was going to drop 30 degrees over the course of the evening, but that she didn't have a jacket: "I wear a jacket. It's called liquor."
--Bloomington, IN, Nick's English Hut
Eavesdropper: GMYH
Drunk guy 1: "Hey, don't wear a jacket."
Drunk guy 2: "It's cold."
DG1: "If you wear a jacket, you know what I'm going to call you all night? A no-ball pussy loser." DG2: "Fine, I'm not wearing a jacket."
Girl: "I'm wearing a jacket. What does that make me?"
DG1: "You're a girl and petite. You don't count."
--Chicago, some place
Eavesdropper: ½ pint
Muddy spectator: "I don't get it. Why don't they make the women run at least 8K? The men run 10K. 6K is so much shorter."
Varsity jacket: "Because people would complain. Plus, girls can't run that far."
--Terre Haute, IN, Muddy Field, NCAA Cross Country Championships
Eavesdropper: RobD
Twentysomething male yells to friend dancing with 2 girls at a bar: "[Karloff], if you don't have a threesome tonight, I'm gonna be pissed!"
--Chicago, Barleycorn's, Clybourn & Webster
Eavesdropper: RDC
(side note: he didn't)
Bitter 26-year-old male who often pederasts women, upon being pederasted himself by a 34-year-old blonde: "This is what I do to people? I'm a monster."
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: GMYH
After a drunken night, a bunch of people are viewing photos from the night before. A picture of a girl comes up on the screen.
Guy 1: "Hey, nice DSLs."
(All the guys in the room start laughing.)
Guy 2 (to the only girl in the room): "Do you know what that means?"
Girl: "No. What is that?"
Guy 2: "Hey, Guy 1, what does that mean?"
Guy 1: "Dick sucking lips."
--Chicago, some apartment
Eavesdropper: ½ pint
A table of late twentysomthings and early thirtysomethings discussing politics and other current events. A male at the table interjecting with comment that appeared to be completely irrelivent to their conversation: "You know necrophilia is easier for men to practice then it is for women."
Remainder of table: blank stares
Necrophiliac: "Well...it is."
--Chicago, Red Lion Pub, Lincoln & Montana
Eavesdropper: Klank
Blonde, discussing new boyfriend: "He's a landscape architect."
Special ed teacher: "Ooooh, I love those."
--Chicago, Cesar's, Clark & Belmont
Eavesdropper: GMYH
This is one of those entries that isn't technically eavesdropping, but more than worthy of inclusion. Good work Wee Wee. Here's the verbatim email I received:
"I was reading the blog and thought that you would appreciate this story that happened to me at Wal-mart last Friday...let me set the scene....
I park 5 spots from the furthest away spot just so that I do not have to look for a spot closer. The car next to me has 4 people in it and the only person who gets out happens to be blind. My first though is "what kind of asses can't just drop the blind guy off at the door if they are not going in?" I am walking behind the blind man with the cane so as to not trip the poor guy as we approach the building and the doors open. I am still chuckling to myself about him being dropped off a mile away from the door when ANOTHER blind guy with a cane comes out of the sliding doors. How strange...two blind guys in the same place.....Then it happened.....
Blind Guy #1 : "Hey Paul."
Blind Guy #2: "Hey Todd."
And they keep tapping right along......WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? Either they could tell by their tapping or they are a bunch of fakers?!
By this time I am actually doubled over in the Wal-Mart lobby trying to figure out who I am going to call and tell this story.....at least I didn't hear a "good to see you" in there anywhere but I still can't figure it out. And the best part is that the guy coming out was all by himself and he was carrying a sack of groceries....How did he know what he was getting?"
--Richmond, IN, Wal-Mart
Eavesdropper: Wee Wee
Thanks to everyone who submitted. Keep those ears open. My ability to overhear anything funny for the next 8 days is going to be severely limited by this:
Currently I am watching Pop Up Video on VH1 Classic, challenging myself to a 99 Red Balloons trivia contest. Everyone's a Captain Courage.
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