In a fatal blow to my livelihood, Bell's -- maker of my favorite summer beer, Oberon -- is pulling out of Illinois because of a dispute with their distributor (who, from what I can tell, is a complete and total jerkface) and a terrible law in Illinois that protects liquor distributors. I just found out that the law was written by Bill Wirtz. You might know him as the owner of the Blackhawks. Yes, the same Blackhawks who haven't won a Stanley Cup since the Kennedy administration. Yes, the same Bill Wirtz who refuses to broadcast Blackhawks home games, regardless of whether they sell out. Wirtz's laughable leadership has caused ESPN to name the Blackhawks the worst franchise in sports. This man doesn't deserve to live.
This marks the second time in the last five years that one of my favorite beers has been mercilessly taken from me by the beer overlords. You may remember a time when you could buy Caffrey's, both in bars and in stores. I refer to that period in my life as the Salad Days. Then Coors purchased Caffrey's and decided that it was no longer going to import it because it might compete with (and destroy) Killian's, a beer that is (a) not made in Ireland, (b) tastes nothing like Caffrey's, and (c) completely sucks compared to the sweet, creamy taste of Caffrey's. (If I had known this when I was in Golden a few years ago, I wouldn't have been nearly so cordial on the Coors brewery tour.) So now if you want Caffrey's, you either have to go to the UK or order it at exorbitent prices to be shipped from the UK.
Now with Bell's, in order to get their sweet summer elixir (or any of their other beers), I will have to travel to another state. At least Bell's is offering a 15% discount at its brewery store for packaged beer for people with Illinois IDs.
You listen up Newcastle. So help me God, if you try to pull anything like this, I will wring your fat little neck. You're all I've got left.
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4 comments:
I'll bring you some Bells in February. I feel your pain on the beer front since for the last fours years I had been deprived of the beer goodness that is Sunshine Wheat. It's not sold East of the Muddy Mississippi. Praise Allah, I am back on the West Side.
Met Larry at my bachelor party in April. We sat next to him and his wife at the Cubs game (nice tickets, Holt). After the game, he made all of us go with him to a nearby Wrigleyville bar with Bell's on tap and drink free for 3 hours. I will miss him and his lovely wife who hit on me the whole time. Great guy, great beer. Drink Bell's!
Anyone that can put up with our drink asses for an entire (freezing cold) game, and then invite us to drink free beer afterward is ok in my book -- even if he is a Cubs fan. Those pins he gave us will now be collectors' items in Chi-town!
Yea, we're all proud that you got to sit next to an obvious genius at a cubs game...this does not change the fact that I will have to transport beer across state lines if I want to drink an Oberon in my home city next summer.
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