Midwestern Eavesdropping - 5/15/08

I had planned on posting this last Friday, but then AT&T forcefully removed that option. But, luckily for everyone, that just made a hearty stock even that much heartier:

Crazy man to packed rush hour train: "Any of you women ovulating?" [immediately followed by a demand for a fist bump from the twentysomething male unfortunate enough to be sitting next to him]
--Chicago, Brown Line train
Eavesdropper: RDC

Twentysomething female attorney to two twentysomething male attorneys over dinner: "So I was just sitting there sucking on it, and all of a sudden there was this huge explosion in my mouth. This actually happens quite a bit."
-- Dayton, OH, John Henry's Restaurant
Eavesdroppers: Holt and Polish Adam

Drunk twentysomething female at a late-night burrito place: "I have a cat, and I rock its pussy every night."
--Chicago, Los Tres Panchos, Diversey & Racine
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Two drunk thirtysomething males see a high school couple decked out in prom clothes walking hand-in-hand along Navy Pier. The girl is way too attractive for the boy.
Drunk Male #1 (to the couple): "You're out-kicking your coverage."
Drunk Male #2 (to the other drunk male): "She's gonna bleed tonight."
--Chicago, Navy Pier
Eavesdropper: Gregerson

Two girls in a bar bathroom of a Scottish pub:
Girl 1: "Why are there so many pictures of Ewan McGregor and Mel Gibson in here?"
Girl 2: "And who's this other guy? Wasn't he in the old Mission Impossible or something?" [looking at pictures of Sean Connery]
--Indianapolis, MacNiven's Pub
Eavesdropper: Nikki J

Creepy Male flight attendant: "A duck walks into a drugstore and goes to the counter and asks for some chapstick. The pharmacist says 'Will you be paying with cash or check?' The duck says, 'nah, just put it on my bill.'"
Small Asian boy: [silence]
CMFA: "How old are you, nine?"
SAB (now clutching his mother's arm): "You smell like basement."
--US Airways flight from Charlotte to Chicago
Eavesdropper: Floppy Burrito

Drunk Girl: "Oh my god! Her owners must be SO happy!"
Guy: "She had to be killed."
Drunk Girl: "Whatever! She's a horse and finished 2nd against a bunch of boy horses! What more do they want?!"
--Chicago, Stretch Run, LaSalle & Ohio
Eavesdropper: RobD

Irritating, gel-haired mid-20-something guy: "She's a cool girl for dating...or possibly other stuff."
--Indianapolis, Broadripple Tavern
Eavesdroppers: B-Mart and Ber

Twentysomething special ed teacher: "I'd swim in dunkel radler, and I don't even know how to swim."
--Chicago, Beer Fest, Navy Pier
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Two women talk loudly on train from O'Hare Airport at 12:30 a.m.:
Large woman in Starbucks apron: "He try and go after my sister but she ran inside the bedroom and locked the do'."
Slightly less large woman: "Mmm-hmmm."
LW: "He think he all scary so he kick through the do'."
SLLW: "Nu-uh!"
LW: "Oh you know only reason he go through that do' is it was one of them cheap ass ones with nothin' inside. Only scared person is hisself since we know he ain't bad. I'll get right up in his face and beat that n****r down and he know it."
--Chicago, Blue Line train
Eavesdropper: Floppy Burrito

Man in his mid to late 30s sitting at a table with his wife and another couple, speaking to the table: "I mean, I can understand buying a diamond for an engagement ring. But earrings?!? I cannot tell the difference between cubic zirconium and diamonds when they are in your ear. And the price differential? It is like one-thousand dollars! Do you know how many lap dances I can buy for one-thousand dollars?!?"
--Nashville, TN, El Rodeo Restaurante Mexicano
Eavesdroppers: RP-Tre and Kells P

As usual, we have a couple things that aren't technically eavesdropping, but need to be included nonetheless:
A sign seen during the Indy 500 Mini-Marathon: "You're all Kenyans in our hearts!"
--Indianapolis, Indy 500 Mini-Marathon
Eavesdroppers: B-Mart and Ber

T-shirt worn by middle-aged man whose job is to hand out free Red Eye newspapers outside the Fullerton L station every morning: "It sucks to be me."
--Chicago, Fullerton L station, Sheffield & Fullerton
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thanks to everyone who responded to my call to action in the last MWE. It's touching, and I am forever indebted to you. Keep up the good work. And when you overhear something hilarious or inane or that can (and should) be taken out of context, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com for inclusion in the next Midwestern Eavesdropping.