Miracle Fruit

I don't know if any of you mofos have heard about Synsepalum dulcificum, aka the "miracle fruit," but sweet (literally) Jesus, it is intriguing. The New York Times ran an article about it, and I am extremely curious. Apparently, you eat one of these small fruits and it turns off your sour and bitter taste buds for a couple hours, so everything tastes sweet. Imagine the possibilities:

• A person turning 21 no longer has to live in fear of the Three Wise Men, other than perhaps the fear of death because all shots will taste like Chuckles. Everyone will die.
• I can eat Swiss cheese, mushrooms, and Mounds bars (even at the same time) without rocketing vomit all over Jessie. In fact, I can also eat vomit.
• Imodium sales will skyrocket because eating more than 5 BW-3's "blazing" wings in one sitting is eminently possible.
• Hardees will finally start to make up some ground.
• If life gives you lemons you already have lemonade.
• Feta and bleu cheese no longer taste like your feet, unless of course your feet taste like white chocolate.
• Drinking urine? Not so bad. Take that, Bear Grylls.
• Americans somehow get fatter and healthier at the same time from all that broccoli.
• Spoiled milk is a thing of the past.
• Three words: Malort drinking contest.