Figure Four

I have this friend named Tracey. She does not have a blog. Also, she apparently has nothing better to do on Friday nights than send a mass email with a list of various tidbits about her life, broken into groups of four. I learned very little about her, yet the end of the email implored me and everyone else receiving the email to fill out the list for ourselves, send it to everyone we know, and hope to God everyone else does the same thing. That way we will all learn more about each other.

I don't have any friends. In related news, I have the mindset, social awkwardness, and integrity of a 13-year-old hermaphrodite. Ergo, my list will be posted for all to see rather than emailed:

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Janitor
2. House painter (exterior)
3. House painter (interior)
4. Substitute tennis instructor

Four movies I have watched more than once:
1. Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story
2. Just My Luck
3. I Spit On Your Grave
4. Twin Sitters

Four places I have lived:
1. Mt. Vernon, IL
2. Bloomington, IN
3. Chicago
4. Spring, TX

Four places I have been:
1. Mt. Vernon, IL
2. Bloomington, IN
3. Chicago
4. Spring, TX

Four people who email me regularly:
1. Christoff
2. Gregerson
3. Mr. Idris Musa, Manager of Bill and Exchange at the Foreign Remittance Department of the Bank of Africa's Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso branch (various next-of-kin location and money transfer issues)
4. no-reply@muppetsfucking.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Miracle fruit
2. Swiss cheese, mushrooms, and Mounds bars combined
3. Dog's blood (I guess technically the apostrophe should be after the "s")
4. Human vomit

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. Sarasota
2. All up in your business
3. Tripping balls
4. 1999

People I think will respond (PLEASE, I'm interested!!):
1. Jessie
2. Your mom
3. Damien (it's all for you)
4. Tracey

Four things I'm looking forward to this year:
1. Spending time in Ouagadougou and Sarasota, respectively, with my secret second and third families
2. Penis reduction surgery (hopefully the third time will be a charm)
3. Seeing Bo Diddley in concert
4. GMYH: The Movie (starring Stacy Peterson as Eight Belles)

Four T.V. Shows that I watch:
1. 30 Rock
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
3. Flight of the Conchords
4. MTV's Sex in the '90s