Midwestern Eavesdropping - 6/13/08

Three males and one female dine at a steakhouse and are approached by their attractive blond waitress immediately following dinner:
Waitress: "You all want to hear a gross story? It involves a hot dog"
Whole table in unison: "Of course."
Male 1: "I have heard this story before"
Waitress: "I know what you are thinking, and no, I did not shove the hot dog in my ass."
[entire group sits in stunned silence]
Waitress continues: "Ok. So when I was in high school I had a plantar wart on my foot. I went to the doctor several times, but it kept coming back and it was totally sick."
[group listens attentively]
Waitress continues: "So after 3 months I was desperate and my daddy told me that when show cows have warts their owners cut them off and put them in their food."
[group braces itself]
Waitress continues: "So one night I was fed up and went into the bathroom with a straight razor and started digging into my foot. It took about 3 minutes and my momma about passed out. I got the whole thing out, seeds and all. So I grinded it up and mixed it with a hot dog and ate it."
Male 2 (confused and horrified): "Really?"
Waitress: "And you know what? Not only did that wart never come back, but all my other warts disappeared."
--Bentonville, Arkansas, Does Steakhouse
Eavesdroppers: RP-Tre, Kells P, T-Kidd, Mable Leaf

Twentysomething female: "So have you ever moved anyone into Sycamore Place, in downtown Cincinnati?"
Twentysomething male mover with a blonde braided rat tail: "Oh yeah - isn't that next to one of them tall buildings?"
--Dayton, Ohio
Eavesdropper: Indy

Loud twentysomething female to friend on packed L at rush hour: "My goal is to have long hair [pause] and for it to actually be mine for once."
--Chicago, Purple Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Sixty something dad is channel surfing and a commercial for the TV program Gene Simmons Family Jewels comes on TV. "Gene Simmons... isn't that the gay work-out guy who wears rainbow spandex?"
--Cincinnati, Westside
Eavesdropper: KMilt

L conductor over PA system: "We're going to be stopped here for a minute. Those of you sticking your heads out of the window on the third car, please stop. It's not safe."
--Chicago, Purple Line train
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Thirtysomething male: "I fell in a rummage sale. The lady was like 'have another beer . . . get out of my rummage sale.'"
--Chicago, some bar in Wrigleyville
Eavesdropper: Tron

Twentysomething female looking at bottle of wine at a house party: "This is shiraz? Is that a kind of wine?"
--Chicago, Montana & Seminary
Eavesdropper: GMYH

As we often have on MWE, there is a submission that isn't technically eavesdropping but merits inclusion:
Advertisement on a bench at a bus stop: "Cheating spouse? Want the truth? Find out for as low as $172. Call 1-800-R-U-My-Kid"
--Cincinnati, Colerain and North Bend
Eavesdropper: KMilt

Thanks to all who submitted. For the rest of yous (for those of you not from Chicago, that is the plural of "you"), when you overhear something hilarious, send it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, and by golly, it will be included in the next exciting edition of Midwestern Eavesdropping.