Tuesday Top Ten: Top Ten Bar Jukebox Songs

I'm going to try something that will likely start strong and then fade faster than an overly confident French swimmer, but it's worth a shot anyway. I shall call it Tuesday Top Ten, and, every Tuesday, it will feature a top ten list of some sort, probably relating to music, TV, film, sports, or unwed, pregnant teenage children of vice presidential candidates. The goal is to inspire both thought and discussion, as these lists will certainly not be free of controversy. If you have any ideas for lists, post a comment or email them to me at gmyhblog@yahoo.com.

This week's list stems from a conversation several of us had at Rocks this past weekend when the question was posed: "What's the best bar jukebox song?" An educated discourse ensued, and no one was able to agree, other than to say that a Bruce Springsteen song of some sort should be near the top. There is definitely an art to jukebox selections. The last thing you want to hear when you fork over your hard-earned money is for someone to say, "Why the fuck would anyone ever play this song?" Songs should not be (1) too long, (2) too slow, (3) too fast, or (4) too obscure. Songs should: (1) be recognizable by more than three people in the bar, (2) allow for either singing along or head bobbing to signify approval, and (3) kick ass. So, without further ado, here are the ten songs that you will hear if I only have ten plays in the jukebox:

10. "Sweet Home Chicago" by The Blues Brothers. Obviously I'm a little biased, given the location of my upbringing and current residence, but this is a great bar song. "Hi-dee-haaaay, baby don't you wanna go?!"
9. "Me and Bobby McGee" by Janis Joplin. It was a tough call between this and "Piece of My Heart," but I gave the nod to "Me and Bobby McGee" because everyone likes it and everyone knows the words, aside from the line "windshield wipers slappin' time."
8. "Born to Run" by Bruce Springsteen. A jukebox staple that I assume needs no justification to be on this list.
7. "I Need a Lover" by John Cougar. While this song is a little on the long side, it's instrumental build-up is good and by the time it gets to the lyrics, The Coug' is ready to explode because all the man wants is a fucking lover who won't drive him crazy -- some girl who knows the meaning of "hey, hit the highway." Obviously the message is universal, especially in a place where men and women are brought together by alcohol.
6. "Pour Some Sugar On Me" by Def Leppard. As the Hysteria liner notes said, this song is "pure sex." I didn't understand it when I was 10, and I don't understand it now, but I do understand that the vast majority of humans love this song.
5. "Baba O'Riley" by The Who. It's impossible for me not to drum along during the drum break.
4. "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. A crowd favorite that incites sing-alongs just about every time it's played and sometimes even when it's not played.
3. "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen. A cheeky and brilliant anthem that I cannot physically get tired of hearing.
2. "Glory Days" by Bruce Springsteen. If I ever own a bar -- and pray for my liver and marriage that I don't -- I will name it The Well because of a line in this song.
1. "Roadhouse Blues" by The Doors. I think this is the quintessential bar song, from the driving guitar riff, to Jim Morrison's drunken wailing, to uptempo blues, to the subject matter, and, most importantly, the fantastic first line: "Well I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer."