Midwestern Eavesdropping - 3/21/10

A little eavesdropping to read while you watch some basketball:

Male #1: "Remember that marathon relay we were gonna run?"
Male #2: "Yeah. Thank God for 9/11."
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: Tron

Thirtysomething married woman in a cab: "I just don't have enough gay men in my life."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Special ed teacher: "First, I dropped my phone in the toilet. Then I ran my phone under the sink water to get the toilet water off."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Fortysomething bank operations worker, walking in a group down the hall: "Lots of people say the glass is half full, but what if it's full of something you don't want like baby blood."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Catfish

One attorney to another, talking before a court call: "He did his own autopsy."
--Chicago, federal courthouse, 219 S. Dearborn
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Wife: "It's way up north on Belle Plaine. I don't know if I'd want to live there."
Husband: "Wait, we live on Belle Plaine!"
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

In a Wal-Mart parking lot, a man runs shopping cart into rusty pick-up knocking off nearly the entire rear quater panel:
Woman: "HONEY! Don't do that. Do you know what kind of toxins you are stirring up?"
Man: "Woman, I EAT rust. Get in the truck."
--Richmond, IN, Wal-Mart
Eavesdropper: Wee Wee

Guy in line to bathroom at a bar, talking to girls: "I don't wanna take a piss with my sister."
--Chicago, Joe's Bar, 940 W. Weed St.
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Fiftysomething male, to group of four: "The way I ski, I need KY."
--Vail, CO, Bart & Yeti's
Eavesdropper: Tron

Twentysomething female: "That was so spicy I have upper lip sweat."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thirtysomething male: "She mocked me because I started dating a Scientologist."
--Los Angeles, Philippe's, Alameda & Ord
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Twentysomething math teacher: "Does weed help you concentrate?"
Twentysomething attorney: "No. No, it doesn't. Unless you're a lit major."
Twentysomething teacher: "He was a math major. But now he's in a psychiatric ward."
--Chicago, Carmine's, Rush & State
Eavesdropper: RobD

Twentysomething female, discussing her infnat: "She sure shat like a yeti on the plane."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lituanian

Self-entitled twentysomething trixie: "I come here evey week, and you're going to charge me a cover?!"
--Chicago, Joe's Bar, 940 W. Weed St.
Eavesdropper: RDC

Thirtysomething male at a bar: "I wanna put my cock in the mouth of the Mississippi."
--Chicago, Emmit's, Halsted & Milwaukee
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Fifth-grade teacher: "Here's my vag. I'm stuffing it full of snow."
--Galena, IL
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

Thirtysomething female: "Nice weather brings out the wheelchairs."
--Chicago
Eavesdropper: Tron

Thirtysomething woman to her fiance at 11:30am: "I smell salami. Did you burp?"
--Chicago, Rocks, Schubert & Lakewood
Eavesdropper: GMYH

Dude: "Tommy Hilfiger said he was mad blacks buy his clothes. Don't shit in the mouth that feeds you."
--Raleigh, NC
Eavesdropper: The Loose-Lipped Lithuanian

As always, thanks to everyone who contributed. Whenever you overhear something funny or something that can be taken out of context, email it to gmyhblog@yahoo.com, along with your preferred handle, and I will include it in the next exciting installment of Midwestern Eavesdropping.