Purdue Pete Makes Children Cry

Purdue University is a funny school for many reasons. One of its school colors is, I kid you not, "piss yellow." It resides in a town, not unlike Lower Uncton, where the sun physically cannot shine. They brag about having the world's largest bass drum. I could go on for hours.

What's also funny about Purdue is their mascot, Purdue Pete. Look at him. Hilarious.

What's funny about Purdue Pete (other than everything) is that he is apparently so grotesque that, according to an article in the Indy Star, he often makes little kids cry. (Thanks to Holt for the link.)

Maybe they're not crying about the weird-looking guy with a giant plastic head; they're probably crying about the fact that they've been dragged to a Purdue sporting event. Purdue is the worst athletic program in the Big Ten. True story.

The article is hysterical. It describes the cartoon version of Purdue Pete as having a "Kirk Douglas cleft chin." Kirk Douglas's chin looks like someone permanently indented it with the round end of a small ball-peen hammer. Purdue Pete's chin looks like it emits feces.
The article also describes the cartoon version of Purdue Pete as having "Rock Hudson eyes." I think what the author was implying is that Purdue Pete is the gayest mascot this side of this lion.
Frankly, I'd rather have no mascot than some hydrocephalous juice head construction worker who bangs dudes (presumably ugly ones at that). And let's be honest, that's an insult to Rock Hudson's dreamy eyes.
"Campus officials have hired a Lafayette advertising firm to help create some new images for Pete." An advertising firm from Lafayette? Well, I suppose we can expect the next incarnation of Pete to look gray and smell like solid waste.

And, for some reason, the author of the story interviewed the guy who runs Gold and Black Illustrated, a magazine and website that covers Purdue's sports failures in painful depth, who said, "Purdue fans are very passionate, and there are some that love tradition. And Purdue is not a university that typically loves to change. They usually walk before they run." Purdue does seem terrified of changing its tradition of not going to Final Fours, or not winning NCAA titles in any sport, or attracting women without limps and hair on their upper lip.

In sum, I can't wait to see what uncreepy, still-unintimitating incarnation of Pete will be roaming the sidelines while Purdue continues to wallow away in athletic futility. Oh, and Purdue sucks.

(No Tuesday Top Ten this week. I have to return some video tapes.)