Thursday, October 14, 2010

American Werewolves in Munich: Monday 9/20

My flight to Munich was Monday afternoon, out of O'Hare. Sunday night was like Christmas Eve when you're a kid. I barely slept, waking up every half hour or so and cursing the clock, then sneaking upstairs to see if some fat, bearded Bavarian man had left me a liter of dunkel, a pack of Davidoffs, and a string of landjaeger. When I finally woke up, I was palpably excited. My bags were already packed.

Everyone I talked to was surprised Jester let me go on this trip, leaving her to take care of Daughter alone for a week. Yeah, like I fucking told my wife I was going to Munich to get hammered for a week. I told her I was going to the gas station to get some Backwoods, a two-liter of diet tonic water, a Whatchamacallit, some of that beef jerky that's chopped up and put in a plastic tin so it looks like dip, some scratch-offs, windshield washer fluid, and Lunchables, just like I do every Monday at noon.

I have a strict rule that I am on vacation as soon as I get to the airport and that I am allowed to drink at any point I'm on vacation. I arrived at O'Hare about two and a half hours before my flight was scheduled to leave. Thankfully, there was a Goose Island bar near my gate, so I enjoyed my final American beers for the week while watching ESPN News and eavesdropping on the idiots sitting around me. Reed and Ben joined me shortly. We slammed a few beers and talked to some woman who apparently entertained on cruise ships. I took out my stuffed sock, smacked her on the head, and said "GMYH don't play that." Then I cackled like a hyena, drank her beer, and went on my way.

Soon, we flew via airplane to Toronto, where we would meet up with Alex, who traveled there by mooseback several weeks earlier. He had not shaved. I found Toronto's airport to be both clean and friendly. Lots of denim. Hungry, I ordered some back bacon, toffee crisps, and fries with gravy.

What turned out to be a blessing in disguise, our flight with United was a code share with Air Canada. I'd never flown Air Canada before, and it was extremely pleasant. The in-flight entertainment was comprehensive. It could have been a 20-hour flight, and I still wouldn't have gotten through all the movies and TV shows available. I finally saw Kick Ass, which I assume was not edited for content, due to the amount of swearing and graphic violence. It was awesome. I watched several episodes of 30 Rock and Modern Family, including the Fizbo episode, during which I laughed out loud. I also watched several episodes of Party Down, which is probably the funniest show you've never heard of, unless you have Starz. When I wanted to nap, I ordered a Molson and watched episodes of Ken Burns's Baseball documentary.

When we landed, it was Tuesday morning in Munich, but that's a story for another day.

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