Rocktober Album #5: The Darkness – Permission to Land (2003)

I apologize for not posting a Rocktober album on Friday.  I was too busy getting my knob polished while I wrote the shit out of some legal briefs.  Then I went out of town, and I was all, "Awww shit, Jester.  I forgot to post a Rocktober album today.  Probably 'cause I was too busy getting my knob polished while I wrote the shit out of some legal briefs."  And then Jester was all, "You selfish muthatrucka.  These people depend on you.  On Monday, you better apologize for not posting a Rocktober album because you were too busy getting your knob polished while you wrote the shit out of some legal briefs.  By the way, I don't know what kind of polish that crazy-ass old bohunk twat used, but she really took the tarnish off.  For the first time in a long time, I am comfortable pullin' on that knob.  Let's get crunk."  That's just how Jester talks when she's on angel dust.  But never you mind!  I pray I can make it up to you.

I remember when The Darkness first came out, someone described them as Queen meets AC/DC.  That is accurate, and it is also an accurate description of how awesome the band is.  Justin Hawkins has the voice of a rock god, and the guitar skills to match.  His brother Dan isn't too shabby on the axe either, and the rhythm section of Frankie Poullain on bass and Ed Graham on drums keeps everything thumping along.

Permission to Land was the band's debut album, and it is brilliant, ballsy hard rock with awesome guitars and ethereal vocals.  It shot to #1 in the UK and made it as high as #36 in the US, and it spawned a whole bunch of awards for the band.  This album makes me want to buy a '77 Trans Am just so I have the appropriate venue from which to blast it.

The Darkness seemed poised to bring arena rock back to the forefront after this album and the band's second album, One Way Ticket to Hell . . . And Back.  Then, in 2006, Justin Hawkins went to rehab and the band disintegrated.  But then, as I mentioned back in June of this year, the band has apparently reunited and is working on a third album.  I can't wait.  For now, let's remember why we loved them in the first place.

1.  "Black Shuck"

From the raunchy opening riff, you know this song and this album are going to kick your ass.  This song is a fast-paced, in-your-face hard rock song that should only be played at high volumes, preferably from the stereo of a car with T tops.

2.  "Get Your Hands Off My Woman"

This is another great, frenzied, hard rock song.  "Get you hands off of my woman, motherfucker."  That chorus ensured no radio play, although if we follow Cee Lo's lead – and we all should – they could have just changed it to "Get your hands off of my woman, motherforgetter."

3.  "Growing On Me"

The big rumor was that this song was about genital warts.  If you listen to the lyrics with that in mind, they are quite hilarious, other than the fact that it means someone has a venereal disease.  Even without that angle, it's a great song.  The guitar solo near the end is pretty sweet.

4.  "I Believe in a Thing Called Love"

This is my favorite song from the last decade.  It is perfect in every way.  It has bravado, soaring vocals, a sing-along chorus, hooks, white hot guitars, and my heart.

5.  "Love is Only a Feeling"

This song slows it down a little.  I guess you might consider it a ballad, or even a power ballad.  It's a nice song.

6.  "Givin' Up"

In case you have never paid attention to the lyrics of this song, it is pretty clearly about trying to quit heroin.  "I won't apologize / I'd inject into to my eyes / If I had nowhere else to stick my scag."  Yowzah.

7.  "Stuck in a Rut"

Another hard rocking song with blistering guitars and falsettos that make you weep, assuming you weep when you hear high voices.

8.  "Friday Night"

Given songs about sores on your dong or chasing the dragon, this is a relatively sweet song about high school, extracurricular activities, and dancing on Friday nights.  I'm not kidding.  At one point, he says he has "archery on Thursday."  I can relate.

9.  "Love on the Rocks with No Ice"

I assume the title to this is an homage to Neil Diamond's song "Love on the Rocks."  The song itself is a slower, raunchy, plodding rocker with a wailing chorus and great guitar solos.  This seems like it would be a good song to end the band's set before the encore.

10.  "Holding My Own"

This ballad winds the album down.