Astroberfest

Well, it happened. After being one out away from the World Series on Monday, only to give up what could have been a momentum-changing homerun to Albert Pujols, the Houston Astros made the St. Louis baseball Cardinals look like the old St. Louis football Cardinals last night. Where's Stump Mitchell when you need him? The Astros won the NL Pennant for the first time ever, and will be heading to Chicago to play the White Sox in the World Series. First off, I'd like to thank all of you out there who answered my plea to root for the Astros. Without your love and support, my dream World Series never would have been possible. It still hasn't quite sunk in.

Many of you have asked me who I will root for. That's like asking a man to choose only sex or football for the rest of his life. On one side, the prospect of never seeing a Super Bowl again is as painful as The Clap, and there's always the internet and Curel. On the other side, as Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell so eloquently stated, "ain't nothin' like the real thing, baby." So I choose both. For the next week and a half, I'll be having sex while watching football. I will be rooting just as hard for each team, and I will be happy no matter what happens. On one side, the Sox haven't won a World Series since 1917. On the other side, the Astros have never won a World Series, and this might be Jeff Bagwell and Craig Biggio's only chance. Basically, I'll root for whoever wins.

Here's how I see the advantages:

Starting Pitching: White Sox
This is a very slight edge for the Sox. The Sox had the 3rd best ERA in the majors during the regular season, while the Astros took 2nd place. Buehrle, Contreras, Garcia, and Garland have proven that they can rock the hizzie in the playoffs. They pitched in the ALCS with the bravado of a flamenco dancer and the soft charm of a Golden Girl. The Astros' staff is just as good, with the Big Three (Clemens, Pettitte and Oswalt) and Brandon Backe. Expect few mistakes, few runs, and a few laughs along the way.

Set-Up Men: Astros
This is another close one, but the advantage has to go to the Astros. Chad Qualls has established himself as one of the best set-up men in the game. Add Dan Wheeler, Mike Gallo, and Russ Springer, and it's a pretty tall task to get a run in between the starters and Lidge. The Sox set-up men aren't exactly chopped liver. Neal Cotts, Cliff Politte, and Damaso Marte were one of the best set-up combos in the AL, not to mention the fact that El Duque can come in at any point.

Closer: Astros
Brad Lidge could kill your mom. Bobby Jenks can and will eat your mom.

Hitting: White Sox
Top to bottom, the Sox hold a pretty solid advantage. They had seven players who hit 15 or more homeruns and eight who drove in at least 55 runs. The Astros, on the other hand, rely on their four big bats -- Lance Berkman, Craig Biggio, Morgan Ensberg, and Jason Lane -- who combined for 112 of Houston's 161 homeruns. The Sox finished 5th in the majors with 200 homeruns, while the Astros' 161 put them in the middle of the pack. In addition, the Astros finished near the bottom of the league in batting average. In a pinch, the Sox can count on anyone in their lineup to come through with a big hit. The same can't be said for the Astros.

Managers: Even
They both have heart. They both love small ball, but not small balls. They both played for the teams they're coaching. They're both player and fan favorites. They both make good decisions. They're both tigers in the sack.

Fans: Even
When the roof is closed, Minute Maid Park is the loudest stadium in baseball. Sox fans have been waiting for this for 88 years. Both Comiskey and Minute Maid will be electric. It's hard to think of two fan bases that want their team to win more than these two.

Intangibles: White Sox
Aside from the fact that both teams have 2 former Yankee pitchers who have been through the drama of a World Series, everyone on both teams is new to this. Both teams have been considered underdogs for the whole year (including the playoffs), despite the fact that they are both very good teams. The Astros are coming off of an emotional roller coaster of a series. The Sox beat the piss out of the Angels and have had a couple days off to rest and regroup. The Sox are firing on all cylinders this postseason, and seem to have the same shit-on-a-curse attitude as last year's Red Sox.

My Prediction:
This will be one of the best (i.e., closest) World Series in recent memory, marked by great pitching and opportunistic hitting. Don't expect any blowouts. No matter who wins, I would like it to go six games, so that the clinching game is on my birthday, which would therefore mean my birthday would always be associated with the end of futility for one of my favorite teams (and I can shake my birthday curse -- the 1929 stock market crash that started the Great Depression). But I have a feeling each team will have three wins after that sixth game. White Sox in seven. Or Astros in seven.